IAM1272 – Relationships Coach Helps People Better Understand Themselves

Dr. Vicki Matthews is a naturopathic physician and relationship coach. In addition to her Naturopathy degree, Vicki also has a BA in Psychology and an MBA in Consumer Behavior from the University of Chicago. Vicki is passionate about helping people improve their relationships and has pioneered a system that makes it easier to get along with anybody, anytime, anyplace. This system also helps us better understand ourselves, which is arguably the most important relationship we will ever have!

• CEO Story: Dr. Vicki’s passion is in the physical, emotional, and mental health of a person, she took Naturopathy. Combined with Psychology and Consumer Behaviour making her the expert in her field. Her mission is to understand the Elements of every Person.
• Business Service: Help improve relationships through their behavior, and how they interact with other people.
• Secret Sauce: The ability to understand and interact with a different personality.
  • 5 Personality Elements: Water (humble but thinkers), Wood (accomplishment-driven), Fire (Outgoing), Earth (balance), Metal (wise)
• CEO Hack: Understand yourself and what elements of personalities are the people working for you. And understand how those relate.
• CEO Nugget: Using the elements of personality to hire the right person for the position role you are searching for.
• CEO Defined: Taking responsibility and being the guiding light for everything that happens. Setting a good role model. Attracting the right people and helping them grow.

Website: www.vickimatthews.com

Facebook: vickimatthewsnd

Free booklet: www.GetAlongNow.com

Check out one of our favorite CEO Hack’s Audible. Get your free audiobook and check out more of our favorite CEO Hacks HERE

Transcription

The full transcription is only available to CBNation Library Members. Sign up today!

Please Note: Our team is using the AI CEO Hacks: Exemplary AI and Otter.ai to support our podcast transcription. While we know it's improving there may be some inaccuracies, we are updating and improving them. Please contact us if you notice any issues, you can also test out Exemplary AI here.

00:22 – Intro

Do you want to learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and grow your business from successful entrepreneurs, startups, and CEOs without listening to a long, long, long interview? If so, you've come to the right place. Gresham Harkness values your time and is ready to share with you precisely the information you're in search of. This is the I AM CEO podcast.

00:49 – Gresham Harkless

Hello. Hello. Hello. This is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast. I have a very special guest on the show today Dr. Vicki Matthews of vickymathies.com. Dr. Vicki, it's great to have you on the show.

00:58 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

It's great to be here.

00:59 – Gresham Harkless

Yes. Super excited to have you on. And before we jump into the interview, I want to read a little bit more about Dr. Vicki so you can hear about all that she's doing. Dr. Vicki is a naturopathic physician and relationship coach. In addition to her naturopathy degree, Vicki has a BA in psychology and an MBA in consumer behavior from the University of Chicago.

Dr. Vicki is passionate about helping people improve their relationships and has pioneered a system that makes it easier to get along with anybody, any place, anytime. And this system also helps us better understand ourselves, which is arguably the most important relationship we will ever have. Dr. Vicki, I love all the things that you're working on and that you're doing, but are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

[restrict paid=”true”]

01:39 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

I am so ready, yes.

01:41 – Gresham Harkless

Awesome, well, let's make it happen then. So I know I touched a little bit upon, you know, all the awesome work that you're doing. But before we get into that, I want to rewind the clock a little bit more on how you got started, what I call your CEO.

01:51 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

OK, so I started as in first in college, being fascinated by medicine and how the body works. So I was a premed major in college And soon became very clear to me that I wasn't cut out for cutting people open. So I discovered that there was a different way of helping people with their physical emotional mental health, and that was a naturopathic degree. So I did that. But somewhere along the line, I also decided maybe I should have a business as a backup in case naturopaths didn't make enough money.

So I went and got my, I originally had my bachelor's in psychology. And I went and got a master's from the University of Chicago in marketing consumer behavior, which is where I met my husband, which is why I think I needed to be there to meet him. And I did work in the business world for a while. And that was when it was like, okay, yeah, no, this is not who I am. So I went back and got the naturopathic degree. Pretty much that's what I've been doing.

02:48 – Gresham Harkless

Nice. Well, yeah, everything happens for a reason. As you said, so many times you're like, why am I doing this? And then it all becomes clear as I think Steve Jobs said, looking backward, you can kind of connect the dots and say, hey, that's why XYZ happened. Nice. So I wanted to drill down a little bit more, hear a little bit more about how you work with your clients and how you're kind of making that impact and helping them to kind of know themselves, but also know you.

03:12 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Okay, so basically I'm using the 5 element model, which is from traditional Chinese medicine. And it was something that I was aware of, but really went deep into as part of my naturopathic work. It is not only about personalities, which is where we use it the most with relationships and understanding what drives us. In our physical and energetic system, our imprints from one of these elements, actually all 5, but one that is a primary way that we focus and look at the world.

It's a little bit like you look at the world through a window and there's a tint on it so that you see everything going on in your life through a little bit of a color that is coming from what your primary elemental personality is. So that's just like the background. When I'm working with my patients, it's they may have come for a physical reason, they may have come for emotional reasons, that relationship coach part, but always how they're looking at the world, how they're interacting with other people is a key part of it.

I mean, I work with cancer people, but if they have emotional problems, if they have difficult relationships, that is not making it easier to heal from cancer. So it's all, it's treating the whole person really is kind of what it comes down to. But the relationship piece, the understanding each other piece is so huge.

04:26 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, that makes so much sense. And I think when we first connected, that was one of the things that really kind of stuck out to me because we sometimes forget about like how important and impactful relationships are, but there's not really, you know, I guess you actually do the due diligence or of course, you know, Dr. Vicki, knowing how exactly to navigate those relationships or what that looks like or what, or how to even build those muscles if it kind of feels like. So that's why I love the work that you do, because it impacts obviously in business, but in life and everywhere, you can kind of think of relationships.

04:56 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

I'm gonna, we're gonna talk about it in a circle. So if we start at the bottom left point of the star, that's where water sits. And that's generally most people who work with this model think of that as the beginning. That is the beginning. It's where ideas happen and it equates to winter by the way, which everything's happening kind of below the surface. Water people can look very low-key, low energy, but man, their brains are going a mile a minute. It's just, you know, super, imagination. They are tough, yes, you know, what if, oh, look at that, the painters. Think of Van Gogh. I mean, he was a water personality.

So then you go to the next point, so that'll be the next point of the star on the left-hand side, that is where wood sits. Wood is spring. That is the energy for buds to burst through the bark. There's power, there's motive. Most high-accomplishment people have a primary wood personality. They may not be the kindest people on the block, but they are, if you want something done, give it to the wood. That's it. That's the bottom line. They will make things happen. They are accomplishment-driven.

And it matters to their sense of identity to get something done. It doesn't even have to be wildly acclaimed and popular. I mean, that's not a bad thing, but it's to check things off a list. Do you know how people make to-do lists? Woods needs to be able to check it off the list. So that's that's Woods. The top of the star is fire. That's one of the ones that we haven't mentioned. Fire personalities. They are outgoing. That's summer. It equates to summer. So everything's out there. They are they love to giggle, laugh, party, fun-loving people.

We all know fires. Everybody loves to be around a fire, they love to be in front of an audience, they don't have any problem getting up in front of 10 million people they've never talked to before and you know residing in the Gettysburg address. I mean they're just out there and comfortable being out there. They tend to have very poor boundaries. If you think about fire, fire isn't even really physical. It's just heat made visible. So they'll always say yes, even if they're already way overloaded. So some control for them, which would be water, is beneficial.

That's another good example of how they'd burn themselves out if there weren't people in their life who could say, whoa, chill out, you know, you're a pill. So then going around, continuing clockwise, the right-hand point of the star is Earth. Earth is about balance. You can think of it as Indian summer or something like that, but it's really about holding the balance for everybody else. They are the nurturers. They are moms. Any nurse that you know has a lot of Earth energy probably as a primary Earth.

Teachers usually have primary personalities. They care about other people, they love foodies, oh my god they love food. They love to make it, eat it, play with it, whatever. They love food. They're kind and they're caring and they don't like people being excluded and they usually have lots of kids. And so then the last point is the bottom right and that's where metal sits. And we said metals are precise because, at the end of the cycle, they've seen everything that's where autumn sits. They're it we're moving into pulling in time. It's you know, the last stop before we're in winter. So and they're very, very, very wise because they've seen I mean, it's very hard to convince a metal they're wrong because they've seen it. They think they've seen it all. And frankly, in many cases, really have been very wise.

08:19 – Gresham Harkless

Do you think that ability, as you said, like, the elements, some of those things have been in place for a while? Do you think it's your ability to understand how that manifests itself in relationships? Do you think that kind of maybe even sets you apart and makes you unique?

08:32 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Yes. I mean, a lot of people talk about wood, oh, maybe wood personalities. What I added, I think because they'll say, oh, well, generals, wood people make good generals. So they'll categorize people. What I added was taking the dynamics of the model that, again, let's start with water. Water feeds the wood, but it puts out fire. So how would a water person and a wood person get along? Well, water people would have the idea to feed to wood for them to go out and accomplish.

Whereas a water person to a fire person, if a fire person is having a great time and you know, come on let's go party, let's go dance, and it's like, no I want to stay home and read a book, That's kind of squashing the fire. So it's, it's, and if you are a fire and you choose to marry water, you better know that the water is going to want to stay home and read the book a lot more than they're going to want to go to a party every other night. So that's where, you know, you can get along well, but you need to understand each other.

And it needs to be okay. And in my book, I go through in minute detail every possible permutation. So what happens if water is in a relationship with wood? What if water is in a relationship with a fire? What if water is in a relationship with an earth or water is in a relationship with a metal? And you know, for each one of them, or what if 2 waters are in a relationship together? What is that going to look like other than a big puddle? So it's really, it's a very detailed book. I stepped into my mental details to write this book.

10:04 – Gresham Harkless

Nice, I love that and I appreciate you doing that. And I think it makes so much sense because again, so many times when we take personality tests or we learn more about ourselves, it's so much in a silo. We forget about the vacuum integration, the interaction that we have on a regular everyday basis, and to kind of put that in place. So I love that you broke down each of those permutations, I can say that 3 times fast so that we can definitely understand exactly how we are interacting on a regular basis.

10:31 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Right. And what to expect. Again, if you know somebody's a bookworm, don't expect them to want to go to a loud party. Or if you know you've got a child that is a water, don't expect them to want to go out for the football team. But you really, it's, the minute the light bulbs go on and people get, oh right, that's so not going to be their style. You know, why throw a birthday party for a little girl who would really rather be in the kitchen cooking? Let's show a throw a cooking party or something.

It's, it's really, it's just like a huge eye-opener. It's just a huge, whoa, have I been approaching this all wrong? Or wow, look, I'm doing this right. Let's keep doing this. It's really just whether you're talking about relating to a relative, to a boss, to a coworker, to someone you're in charge of, it makes a huge, all of a sudden, they're not being obnoxious, they're being themselves. And how do you work with them?

11:24 – Gresham Harkless

Exactly, my thought process was how you meet people where they're at, rather than where you want them to be or where they should be, you start to really have a mastery of relationships and communication as a whole, it sounds like as well, too. Do you understand yourself, but also the people that are around you as well. So I love that. And so I wanted to switch gears a little bit, and I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. You might have already touched on this, but it could be like an app, a book, or a habit that you have or something from your book, but something that can make us more effective.

11:52 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Okay. I would, can I?

11:54 – Gresham Harkless

Go for it.

11:55 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Okay. The first would be, and you can do this with a little booklet that I have on my website, on the Get Along Now website. Read them and understand where people are coming from. It's if you're going to be a CEO over water, what do they need to be productive? I hope to God you have hired them to be the ideal person Because you shouldn't be expecting them to be the accomplished person.

They don't have enough They don't have enough structure if you want accomplishment higher wood person I hope you haven't hired them to be the party planner because their idea of a party would be sitting and reading books So or painting they're wonderful artists So I would say first and foremost, understand yourself and understand the people that are working for you.

And understand, that's the second piece would be understand how those, and you can also use it to decide who to hire when it comes down to hiring. If you are hiring for, a leadership position, then you probably want Woods. Or if it's a research position, you probably want someone that's got a lot of medals, because they'd like to understand how things work. If you're hiring a secretary that you want to make sure you're at meetings on time to take care of things for you, I would hire one because they love to help make things better for people. So it just it's using people to their greatest ability.

13:16 – Gresham Harkless

Absolutely. And having that understanding and awareness of it, and it sounds like that was going to be like maybe the heck, the nugget I was going to ask you is that hiring piece, because as we're talking about in this time, people are talking about the great resignation and trying to find the right people and they get them in the right seats and all those things. So many times I think leaders and organizations adopt the mindset of like, let's just look at their resume, maybe have somewhat of an interview, and let's just get somebody in there to do the job.

But if you're really not there strategically, you're not understanding this is the position. This is what we want from the position. This is the type of personality we're looking for. You can really be setting yourself up for success for yourself, but also for the person who could be someplace else. So I wanted to ask you now my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO. We're hoping to have different quote-unquote CEOs on the show. So Dr. Vicki, what does being a CEO mean to you?

14:08 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Being a CEO to me means taking responsibility for everything that happens. It means being the guiding light for everything that's setting a good role model example for everything that you want to happen in the company attracting the right people and helping your people grow.

14:28 – Gresham Harkless

Dr. Vicki truly appreciates that definition. And of course, I appreciate your time Even what I wanted to do now was pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional that you can let our readers and listeners know. And of course, how best people get a hold of you, get a copy of your book when it comes out, and all the awesome.

14:44 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Okay, great. So my website is vickymatthews.com and it's vickimatthews.com, Matthews with 2 T's, There's a lot of information. I blog on this every week. So I've got a blog where people write in. It's called Ask Vicki and I answer questions, relationship problems and address questions based on this model. There is a booklet at getalongnow.com that explains a lot of this and will help with the visuals. I do, you know, if they have questions, they can write me, email me. I love this work, obviously, and I'm really passionate. And if they want me to come to teach, as things get a little less weird with the pandemic, I am happy to come to teach. So that's it. And I loved doing this. I love talking to you.

15:28 – Gresham Harkless

Yes, it was definitely awesome. I learned so much. So I appreciate you for the work that you do. And, of course, you know, sometimes I've taken personality tests and things like that, but I love the piece of you bringing it together to realize how it impacts the relationships that you have around you. Cause I think that is a, is an absolute game-changer. So I appreciate you so much for the work that you do. Of course, we will have the links and information, the show notes as well too, so that everybody can get ahold of you, the copy of your book, and take advantage of that booklet that you offered.

15:54 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

The book will be out in June.

15:56 – Gresham Harkless

It'll be out in June. Okay. June, 2022. You'll also see that as well too. So thank you so much, Dr. Vicki, appreciate you and I hope you have a phenomenal today.

16:04 – Dr. Vicki Matthews

Thank you. You too. Take care.

16:05 – Outro

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO Podcast powered by Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co I AM CEO is not just a phrase, it's a community. Be sure to follow us on social media and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes Google Play and everywhere you listen to podcasts, SUBSCRIBE, and leave us a five-star rating grab CEO gear at www.ceogear.co. This has been the I AM CEO Podcast with Gresham Harkless. Thank you for listening.

[/restrict]