IAM835- Connection Counselor Helps You Unlock the Best Version of Yourself

As the Connection Counselor, Joe teaches busy professionals how to unlock the 12 SuperPersonal skills that elevate your career. He is the author of the ground-breaking Unlock Your Leadership series, including “Unlock Your Executive Presence,” which finally wrestles to the ground this elusive ability. An acclaimed coach with over 20 years of experience in Corporate America, his goal is to help you unlock the best version of yourself. Joe also hosts “The Big Lie” and “Why It Works” podcasts and when he is not teaching, loves to spend time training in Aikido. Joe holds a B.A. in psychology from the University of Virginia, a J.D. from Georgetown University, and lives in New Jersey with his family.

• CEO Hack: It is never finished until it is finished. I try to do a little more when am trying to finish something
• CEO Nugget: Am inspired by a quote, if you choose to do something, it gives you an identity unlike saying you like to do something
• CEO Defined: Being in charge of serving others, I unlock people's full potential and connect to others

Website: http://www.connectioncounselor.com

Twitter: @cnxcounselor
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/joekwonjoe
Website: www.connectioncounselor.com
Free guides: www.connectioncounser.com/freestuff

Forbes article on Charisma
https://www.forbes.com/sites/amyblaschka/2019/10/22/research-says-this-is-how-to-become-a-more-charismatic-leader/#8b472a6df41d

Full Interview:

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Transcription

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00:02 – Intro

Do you want to learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and grow your business from successful entrepreneurs, startups, and CEOs without listening to a long, long, long interview? If so, you've come to the right place. Gresham Harkless values your time and is ready to share with you precisely the information you're in search of. This is the I AM CEO Podcast.

00:30 – Gresham Harkless

Hello. Hello. Hello. This is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast and have a very special guest on the show today. I have Joe Kwon Connection Counselor. Joe, it's awesome to have you on the show.

00:38 -Joe Kwon

Gresh, I'm so excited to be here and meet you and participate in your wonderful program.

00:44 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, absolutely. I always say my job is to hold up the microphone and you do the awesome work. So I appreciate you hopping on the show. And before we jump in, I want to read a little bit more about Joe so you can hear about all the awesome things that he's doing. As the connection counselor, Joe teaches busy professionals how to unlock the 12 super personal skills that elevate your career. He is the author of the groundbreaking Unlock Your Leadership series, including Unlock Your Executive Presence, which finally wrestles to the ground, this elusive ability and acclaimed coach and keynote speaker with over 20 years of experience in corporate America.

His goal is to help you unlock the best version of yourself. Joe also hosts the Big Lie and Why It Works podcast and when he is not teaching loves to spend time training in a keto. Joe holds a BA in psychology from the University of Miami, a JD from Georgetown University, Hoya Saxa, and lives in New Jersey with his family. Joe, are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

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01:40 – Joe Kwon

Ready to go. Just want to mention undergrad UVA, the University of Virginia. OK. Yeah.

01:45 – Gresham Harkless

OK, And the JD from Georgetown, right? Okay.

01:48 – Joe Kwon

Yeah.

01:48 –  Gresham Harkless

We'll definitely take that. Make sure I get that in again because that's important. And to kick everything off, I wanted to rewind the clock a little bit here a little bit more on how you got started. Could you take us through your CEO story? We'll let you get started with all the awesome things you're working on.

02:00 – Joe Kwon

Yeah, absolutely. So my whole life, I've just loved talking to people. Coaching is maybe too glamorous of a word, just you know exchanging ideas, being a sounding board. So I've been doing that my whole career just because that's kind of who I am, just how what you do is you know, Grash is part of who you are. One day I'm on the phone with them, I hope she doesn't mind if I use her name, Paula Portal, a former colleague of mine from Argentina. So I met her on a business trip, and we worked for the same company. And I guess I must've made a good impression on her. We stayed in touch over the years. You know, she's a seasoned executive. Several years later, we were both at different companies, and I got an email from her. And she says, Joe, I really want to invest in myself this year.

I want to hire a personal coach and I'm willing to pay for it, would you be my personal coach? And Gresh, my mind just exploded. I was like, wait, I can get paid for what I was already doing for free. And the reason why that's my origin story was I didn't truly appreciate the value of those conversations, of those insights. And I was gonna do it anyway, whether I was getting paid or not because that's who I am. But then I started thinking, wait a second, there is a business, there is a value that people will gladly, gladly exchange, you know, whatever compensation happens to be. It doesn't have to be money necessarily for the insights and the coaching I receive. And that's kind of how the Connection Counselor was born.

03:35 – Gresham Harkless

Nice, I absolutely love that. It's so interesting. I always feel like when you're in your zone of genius, often we forget those gifts that we have and we sometimes don't appreciate it as much because it comes so naturally and it's not anything you have to work at. And there's often other people that often will say, hey, you should get paid for that. Or hey, I will buy your service to that kind of opens up the floodgates, all the awesome things that we can do.

03:57 – Joe Kwon

Well, here's the funny thing, Gresh, that now you say that the time it actually became a business was not that first one. Right. It became a business when I was having another conversation with a former boss of mine. And we were just talking about something that she was struggling with at work. And then at the end of the conversation, she says to me, Hey, Joe, you're really good at this. You're better at this than I am. Now I can't teach her anything about the law. We're lawyers by training.

But I could teach her about all those sorts of connection principles. And here was the key, Gresh. I stopped. And I said to myself, hey, I'm not gonna say her name so-and-so. It's funny you mentioned that. I just started a side business coaching. Would you mind if I sent you a proposal? Look it over and if you want, this way we can talk on a regular basis. I can give you more time and attention. And what did she say? She said, of course. And she became my second client. That's that kind of recognition that like, it's not just a favor, it's not just something I do with friends, it's a viable business. That was the key game changer for me.

05:01 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, that's so funny that you say that because it actually makes me go back, you know, to working with clients and, you know, of course, you do things sometimes you get paid for it, but it's sometimes a person that doesn't know you or isn't as warm of a connection that truly validates you and what it is that you do that puts that stamp on. So I love that clarification.

05:22 – Joe Kwon

Thanks, Gresh.

05:22 – Gresham Harkless

No worries. And so I know we touched on it a little bit when I read your bio, you did as well too. Could you take us through a little bit more on how you work with clients and what exactly that process looks like?

05:30 – Joe Kwon

Yeah, absolutely. So my philosophy, philosophy seems like too grandiose of a word, but my approach is I believe that everyone has tremendous value right now already. Right? You were born already you had that value. What happens is it often gets buried underneath cultural norms, expectations of our parents, of our bosses, of our society, fear, right? You know, fear of being great, of taking risks. So the work that I do doesn't seek to change you in a way to change you into a new person. I've started calling myself a leadership transformation coach. All it does is help you unlock what was already there but was kind of locked inside.

So it's kind of unleashing, you know, beast mode, my clients and, And that has been so fulfilling for me, right? So it's like, imagine you see a tiger in their cage, and the tiger's all docile. They don't know they're a tigers. Or to use, what's that movie? You're a bear with these claws and these hands. I mean, that's not a great example, but you know what I mean like people don't recognize how powerful they are just to help them understand that. And that's kind of the process. That's what I try to do, that's what I do for people.

06:48 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, absolutely, I bet. It reminded me of this image that I saw where it was, I feel like it was a horse that was attached to one of those lawn chairs and it had a rope around it and the horse didn't feel like it could move because I guess it had been conditioned, all those things happened where the horse thought that it couldn't move this small, flimsy lawn chair. But as you said, you know, about the lion kind of being able to break out of the chain, so to speak, maybe, and being able to kind of be their best self and walk in their zone of genius. So many times, external things and I guess even things that happen, you know, within our lives can kind of reduce us from that ability to really be our best selves and unlock that greatness.

07:24 – Joe Kwon

Yeah, and I love how you say zone of genius. I'm not sure if that's the term you came up with but that really resonates. Where did you hear that from?

07:32 – Gresham Harkless

It was from, and I'm losing the leap of, it's from Gay Hendrix, that's the name of the author.

07:39 – Joe Kwon

Oh yeah, I've: heard.

07:40 – Gresham Harkless

Yes, it's a really phenomenal book, and I often say zone of genius, some people say zone of brilliance, but I think being able to kind of find that. And I love it because like we kind of talked about so many times we're looking externally for it, but when in reality, sometimes we have seeds of it already within us and things that we've done. Sometimes we just ignore it. And I love that you're able to help people find that and bring it out.

08:01 – Joe Kwon

For me, it's all about alignment. Right? Are you aligned with what your super, I call them super personal skills, right? Are you aligned with the power that you already have or are you busy trying to be something else? Which you can be very good at. You can be very good at impersonating, but you're never gonna be as good at being someone else as you will be at being who you're meant to be.

08:23 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, absolutely. I do say sometimes if you are always running somebody else's race, but if you run your own race, you cannot lose. And we're always kind of running somebody else's race, which sometimes gets us in trouble. So let me ask you this, I wanted to ask you for what I call your secret sauce. This could be for you personally or your business or a combination of both, but is it that ability to kind of see that within individuals and bring that out? Do you feel like that's part of your secret sauce?

08:47 – Joe Kwon

Yeah, that definitely is. There's probably one other thing that I would mention, and it's my ability to focus and communicate the hidden principles behind why things work. So let me use an example that is very, seems to get a good response. Charisma, right? You're very charismatic. Lots of people would love to have your charisma. If they asked you how you're charismatic, I'm guessing, you would have difficulty explaining exactly what it is. You're like, I'm Gresh or I'm friendly or I'm myself. That's not helpful to like people. Yeah, you'd like people. Well, I like people too, but no one likes me. So there's a challenge here. And What happens is, you know, you not knowing is normal, right? Like Roger Federer, if you ask him how he hits his serve, he can't break it down. He's forgotten more about hitting a serve than we'll ever learn, right?

But that doesn't help anyone get his serve or become better. So where I come in is I break down those hidden principles and charisma is a good example. If you look at all the information that's out there about charisma, they'll describe traits that charismatic people will have, or they'll give you a list and they'll say stuff like posture, eye contact, be yourself. Well, you can do all of those things in isolation, but they will not generate charisma. So what I've done is kind of break it down. Totally coincidentally, this happened, and I figured this out. But once I kind of figured that out, It was super powerful.

10:17 – Gresham Harkless

I wanted to switch gears a little bit and I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. So this could be like an app, a book, or a habit that you have but what's something that makes you more effective and efficient?

10:27 – Joe Kwon

It's never finished until you finish. Okay, So let's say you have 10 chapters to write in a book. Normally you would write the first chapter, you would put it down and gosh, how hard is it to start that second chapter, right? It's really hard because you have this sense of completion. So what I always do is once I get close to finishing the first chapter, it could be anything, right? It could be a podcast, could be anything you prepare. I always, even if it's only the first word of the second chapter, I always do a little bit more.

11:02 – Gresham Harkless

Awesome. So now I want to ask you for what I call a CEO nugget. So this could be a word of wisdom or a piece of advice. It might be something you would tell a client, or if you have to tell a time machine, you might tell your younger business self.

11:12 – Joe Kwon

All right. Well, we've touched upon this a little bit before, but I'll put a finer point on it and I can't claim credit for this one. I originally heard of it from a quote by a Scottish chess champion in a book that I was reading. His name is I think his name is like Jonathan Roussen he's like a Scottish chess grandmaster and what he said and I'm paraphrasing here is if you want to be a chess champion, a chess grandmaster, you will never succeed. You have to choose to be a grandmaster. You're not yet, right? Obviously, you haven't gotten there yet. But when you choose that as your identity, then everything you do, every action, and every decision is informed by your identity. Whereas when you just say you want to do something, all you see are the gaps and the things that you don't have yet.

Right? Because people often think that our choices make who we are, and our choices are important, right? Because they show who we are. But really, we do the things because we've already decided who we are and all our actions flow from that, right? So to me, that's a very powerful principle. When you choose, when you chose to be a podcaster, when you chose to, and then you're off to the races and every call you took, every conversation you had probably nudged and informed what you did versus you know what this is kind of a hobby of mine. You never would have had the success you had Gresh if you hadn't chosen that identity for yourself from the get-go.

12:46 – Gresham Harkless

Absolutely love that Joe And so now I wanted to ask you my absolute favorite question, what's the definition of what it means to be a CEO? And we're hoping to have different quote-unquote CEOs on the show. So Joe, what does being a CEO mean to you?

12:57 – Joe Kwon

Yeah, to me, it's pretty simple and straightforward. I'm in charge of serving others, right? Each organization has a different purpose in terms of how it serves, but the organization only exists to serve others, right? Without serving others, there's no reason for the organization and it won't be sustainable. And the specific service that I provide is unlocking people's full potential by helping them understand better how to connect to themselves. And we've talked about this, right? Like your identity, what you're meant to do, the alignment, and also how to connect to others.

So that's the charisma, the executive presence, and the other things that I sort of teach. And when you have those too, when you understand, like let me connect to the best version of myself and let me understand how to connect that and communicate that and deliver that best to other people, then you, I'm not gonna say you're gonna become a CEO, but what I am gonna say is you will fulfill your greatest potential, whether it means you go here halfway or way above, that's not important. Wherever you were meant to go, you have a better chance of getting there by doing that than by not being connected and living someone else's life or thinking you're so great but you can't connect to anyone else so no one knows who you are.

14:17 – Gresham Harkless

Truly appreciate that definition. I appreciate your time even more. What I wanted to do is pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional you can let our readers and listeners know. And of course, how best we can get ahold of you, find out about your book and all the awesome things and podcasts that you have as well.

14:33 – Joe Kwon

Sure, absolutely. So I have 2 podcasts. One is called Why It Works and it explores hidden principles about why things work and it could be any topic. I've done stuff that's kind of obvious like sales, and performance management. I've done stuff that's not obvious like heartbreak and anger. My other podcast is called The Big Lie. And it's basically you'll like this Gresh. What is the lie that you've believed for so long? And then when you realize it was a lie, everything changed. So that's my newest podcast. And then I have a guest coming up. She's a coworker that I worked with and then we may do something on Black Lives Matter, which I'm very excited about. And then in terms of my books, you can find them on Amazon.

It's the unlock your series. You can just Google, you know, my name is Joseph Kwan, unlock your charisma, unlock your executive presence. The easiest way to get in touch with me and learn more about what I do is just my website, www.connectioncounselor.com. From there, you can get to all my various socials, LinkedIn, and Twitter, they'll be on there, or email me. And yeah, we'd love to hear from your listeners and just continue the conversation.

15:43 –  Gresham Harkless

Yeah, absolutely, Joe. I truly appreciate that. We will have the links and information that show knows for your books podcasts and everything as well too so that it's super easy to be able to find that and I love, you know that podcast you're right at the nail on the head I would. I love that kind of concept because I think so many times we forget that we can sometimes create our reality. And that lie that we tell ourselves that may not actually be true might be holding us back and it might not allow us to reach our full potential. So I love that you're having a conversation obviously on the podcast, but in so many different ways around that and how we can unleash our best selves and take things to another level. So Joe, truly appreciate you again, my friend, and I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.

.16:22 – Outro

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO Podcast powered by Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co I AM CEO is not just a phrase, it's a community. Be sure to follow us on social media and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes Google Play and everywhere you listen to podcasts, SUBSCRIBE, and leave us a five-star rating grab CEO gear at www.ceogear.co. This has been the I AM CEO Podcast with Gresham Harkless. Thank you for listening.

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