IAM326 – Coach Helps People Create Stable Intimate Relationships Full of Big Love

She helps people create stable intimate relationships full of big love. She doesn't want to just listen while you rehash your most recent fight or dissatisfaction each week. She wants to help you transform your relationship without changing who you are. This isn't about “self-improvement”; this is about letting go of what you're not, and learning what you need, to create the love you want.

• CEO Hack: Community. Finding a community to bounce ideas off of.
• CEO Nugget: That's not YOUR work
• CEO Defined: Being the visionary of your business.

Website: http://alicetj.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heyalicetj/

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Transcription

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Intro 0:02

Do you want to learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales and grow your business from successful entrepreneurs, startups, and CEOs without listening to a long, long, long interview?

If so, you've come to the right place. Gresham Harkless values your time and is ready to share with you precisely the information you're in search of.

This is the I AM CEO Podcast.

Gresham Harkless 0:29

Hello, hello, hello, this is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast, and I have a very special guest on the show today. I've Alice TJ of alicetj.com. Alice, it is awesome to have you on the show.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 0:40

Thanks for having me. It's so good to be here. Gresh

Gresham Harkless 0:43

No problem, super excited to have you on and what I want to do is read a little bit more about Alice, so you can hear about all the awesome things that she's doing.

Alice helps people create stable, intimate relationships full of big love. She doesn't want to just listen to you while you rehash your most recent fight or dissatisfaction each week, she wants to help you transform your relationship without changing who you are. This isn't about self-improvement. This is about letting go of what you're not and learning about what you need to create the love that you want.

Alex, are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

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Alice Turpin-Johnson 1:16

I absolutely am.

Gresham Harkless 1:18

All right, let's do it. So to kick everything off, I wanted to hear a little bit more about what I call your CEO story. What led you to start your business?

Alice Turpin-Johnson 1:25

Yeah, I love this question. So I was a teacher before I started relationship coaching and education. I loved working with students and being in the classroom, but what I really wanted to be teaching was emotional literacy and resilience and interpersonal communication skills. I was able to weave bits of those things into what I was doing in the high school classroom. But I was also expected to make sure that students knew how to use a semicolon and write a work cited page, and those are important things. But I got to the point where I felt like those weren't the things that I'm here to help people with. So I started exploring my options.

I knew that I wanted teaching to be a part of what I was doing, I wanted to teach people powerful communication structures and emotional literacy skills, and new ways to fight. So I knew education would still be a piece of what I was doing but I also really wanted to empower people to take back creative agency, when it comes to designing the relationships that they want. So that's where the coaching piece came in. Because at least for the type of coaching I'm trained in co-active coaching, it's partly designed around this foundational belief that every person is creative, resourceful, and whole.

So the coaching relationship is about helping you access those things in yourself. So you can get really clear about what it is that you desire and what it is that you need, and how to actually make that happen in your life and relationships.

Gresham Harkless 3:04

Nice. I absolutely love that. I love how you're in a specific role, for example, like a teacher. Sometimes you only look at it in one aspect, but the fact that you were able to tap into yourself to realize that there's another way that you can teach it as well, if I may say, I think it's something that's not taught, obviously, a lot in school.

A lot of people don't really have that emotional intelligence, I guess that's the phrase they use to understand themselves, but also understand the people around them. So I'm glad you're doing that.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 3:32

Absolutely, thank you. I think that has happened to so many of us as entrepreneurs, right? That we realize that there's some piece of what we're already doing, that's really deep in us somewhere. And we want to just fan that flame, but in a way that more fully expresses who we really are.

Gresham Harkless 3:50

Exactly, exactly. I think that's when everything hits that perfect spot if you can say, where you are perfectly aligned with who you are, but you're also doing that work. You're able to show that in many ways.

I wanted to drill down a little bit deeper, hear a little bit more on how you're helping people find this and some of the things that you're doing to help your clients.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 4:11

Absolutely. So I offer coaching and education for couples and singles, who want to learn how to create the relationships that they actually want. So what that looks like is I'll combine coaching services with education. So we might get on a 45-minute coaching call and we'll use that coaching relationship to help that person really get into themselves, and really get clear on what it is that they want in a relationship, what that looks like, what that feels like, and then how to actually make that happen, make that manifest in their lives.

Then the education piece maybe we take 15 minutes at the end of our hour-long session. We do some education, learning about a new way to communicate or a new way to interact with emotions or how to get embodied in your emotions so that you can process them a little bit differently in a way that maybe serves you more. I work with couples a lot as well on how they're communicating together because we've got these two unique humans, and then they're coming together to build the thing.

And if anybody who's listening even has a business partner, it's like, whoa, okay, all of a sudden, it got more complicated. So being able to communicate around that is super important. So I'll do a lot of communication education there as well.

Gresham Harkless 5:23

Yeah, that's huge. And even touched on that I was gonna say, I feel like sometimes you're just thinking of intimate relationships, I guess you can say, but there's literally relationships with everyone and need them to have that kind of, I guess, skill in order to understand people, understand how best to work with somebody, or how best to be in an intimate relationship, whatever that might be.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 5:44

Absolutely.

Gresham Harkless 5:46

Now, I wanted to ask you for what I call your secret sauce. This could be what you feel distinguishes you or your organization. Or what do you feel sets you apart?

Alice Turpin-Johnson 5:56

Definitely. It's interesting, I was told, so early on in business, that I needed a signature method or a formula that was just mine. It would be great for marketing, right for me to be able to solve your relationship with these seven steps, but here's my fancy name for it. I think that can work really well in certain industries, but with what I do, and working with people about their relationships, my clients are human, and they're bringing that human to our coaching relationship and to our teaching relationship. So each one of them comes with this unique set of values, desires, fears, and all of these things and then when I work with couples, there are two people, each unique and different, who bring that to the table.

So I think that some couples would get some benefit from sort of a formula or a signature method, I found that people get such a greater degree of power and benefit from really learning how to master the creative control of their own relationships. So instead of having it be me giving them a list of to-do's, or me giving them like five secrets in five weeks, solve your relationship, to really teach them how to become the practitioners of their own relationships. Because every single one of us has the ability to do that, we have the ability to become the practitioners of our own relationships and be able to create the relationship that we need and want as we change, because like, who I am, and what my current relationship is, will be different 20 years from now.

So I want to equip people with the skills to do that for themselves, instead of feeling like okay, well, now I need another formula because now things are different and something else is going on. What do I do with this? Instead, I want them to have the tools to be like, Okay, we know how to look at what's going on, figuring out what we want, and then make that happen.

Gresham Harkless 8:05

Absolutely. I love that because you're empowering the people that you're working with, the people that are in a relationship to like you say be able to use whatever quote and quote, I guess skills or be able to be aware of what that looks like, and how to adapt their actions or whatever based off of whatever their current situation is.

Because I feel like you said, if you have that seven-step process, for one, it doesn't take into account the different personalities that you might have in the room. Another thing doesn't take all those changes that people have.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 8:39

Absolutely, yeah.

Gresham Harkless 8:41

That makes sense. I wanted to switch gears a little bit and ask you for what I call a CEO hack. This might be an app or book or habit that you have, but it's something that makes you more effective and efficient.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 8:54

Yeah, I love that. So I would say my biggest CEO hack is also my biggest life hack. And it's a community, a real community. One of the first things that I did when I got into business was to find a handful of other entrepreneurs I really enjoyed being around and I loved what they were getting into and what they were creating to put out into the world. And creating community around that right like encouragement, accountability, get a group of people and have it be a place where y'all can bounce ideas off each other and send each other ridiculous dance videos for celebration when you try something new and gets excited about it.

Then the same surround yourself with that same thing in life, right? Like building relationships, such that you have a handful of people who are solidly in your corner. And there are people that who you love, right who also love you, but they're also the people who are going to show up with their words and their behaviors to show you that they're in your corner like you trust them, you feel safe, they love you for all of who you are, they encourage you, they're willing to really lovingly call BS when you do things that don't align with who you really are, what your values are.

Have that be the core of your community. And make sure that if you're in a relationship, your partner is one of those people.

Gresham Harkless 10:23

Absolutely, it makes perfect sense, especially with running a business or just life in general. There are so many ups and downs and things that happen that you need those people in that community that you mentioned to lean on, because sometimes it is very, very difficult to get through a lot of things, solo or by yourself.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 10:43

Absolutely. And it means that if we don't do that, it's like this entrepreneurial journey can be so isolating.

Gresham Harkless 10:51

Absolutely, absolutely. Now, I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO nugget. This is a word of wisdom or piece of advice or if you can hop into a time machine, what would you tell your younger business self?

Alice Turpin-Johnson 11:06

I would give her a hug. My younger business self was so afraid of what people might say, or think if I really showed up to do what it was that I wanted to do. I was so afraid of that judgment. And for the longest time, people gave me advice about how nobody's judging you because they're all spending too much time worrying about their own stuff. Sometimes that's true, but sometimes not. Sometimes people are going to judge you and they aren't going to say things about what you're getting up to.

They're gonna talk about you behind your back. The shift for me was just owning that some people are gonna judge me for this, and managing their judgments that's not my work. That's not what I'm here to do in the world and for the world, and realizing that the people who are going to judge you, aren't your people, right? Like, they're not the people who are in your corner. If they're talking smack, they're not going to be your clients or your customers. So you're not here to serve those people. So it's kind of being able just to own, that's probably happening. Okay, what's next?

Gresham Harkless 12:20

Right, I love that too, just because it aligns with everything you talked about when you started your business or thought about starting your business where you understand what your work is, as you said, you don't do anything that's not in alignment with that you're not going to worry about that.

Is that something that you're able to just naturally do? Or do you have something that you do to make that happen?

Alice Turpin-Johnson 12:43

It's a process for me, and the thing that's been my biggest go-to is that phrase, that's not your work. When I catch myself being in that zone of Oh, but if I put out this video, or if I have this conversation, what will they say? Whoever they are, I don't know that, we're not friends. But I just stepped to the side of myself, and use those words. And it's, that's not your work, girl. Get back to what you're here to do. That's not your work.

Gresham Harkless 13:17

Exactly. And it definitely starts to put everything in perspective. And I always say, you can't lose if you're running your own race. If you're trying to run somebody else's race, or you're trying to appease somebody else, then you can definitely lose.

You probably won't lose, because you'll never be happy. But if you're doing like you said what your work is, you won't have to worry about anything else.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 13:36

Absolutely. I love that. And you'll have so much more fun, right? I want it to be fun too.

Gresham Harkless 13:44

Exactly, exactly. Now I want to ask you my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO. We're hoping to have different quote amd quote, CEOs on the show.

So what does being a CEO mean to you?

Alice Turpin-Johnson 13:57

That's a great question. It's evolved for me a lot recently. And what I've been stepping into is that being a CEO means being the visionary of my business.

Gresham Harkless 14:13

Nice, I love that. Because a lot of times you need to be able to figure out what are the steps or how you're going to build and grow your business and sounds like you've been able to do that as well.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 14:25

Yeah, absolutely.

Gresham Harkless 14:27

Nice. Well, Alice, I truly appreciate your time. What I want to do is pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional, you can let our readers and listeners know and then of course, how best they can find out about all the awesome stuff you're doing.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 14:40

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. This has been a lot of fun. I just really want to encourage anybody who's listening, if you're in a tough position in your dating life or in your relationship, to realize that there is such tremendous potential for you to have the relationship that you want.

It's not too late for you. It's not because there's something that is wrong with you, you're great. And you can absolutely create that relationship that you want.

So if you're in that place, have that dynamic hope of like, I can do this, this can be there for me. And if you want to hang out, come and hang out with me on Instagram, heyalicetj, all one word, you can also shoot me an email, it's Alice@alicetj.com. Or come and hang out with me on my website at alicetj.com.

Gresham Harkless 15:32

Awesome, and we'll definitely have those links in the show notes. But I truly appreciate everything that you're doing. Relationships are literally everywhere, and you can always work that muscle and work on that and build that.

So I love that you're doing your work and you're reminding us to do that as well. Alice, thank you so much again for your time and I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.

Alice Turpin-Johnson 15:51

Thank you so much, Gresh. This has been fun. Likewise.

Outro 15:54

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO Podcast powered by Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co I AM CEO is not just a phrase, it's a community.

Be sure to follow us on social media and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes Google Play and everywhere you listen to podcasts, SUBSCRIBE, and leave us a five-star rating grab CEO gear at www.ceogear.co.

This has been the I AM CEO Podcast with Gresham Harkless. Thank you for listening.

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