IAM2809 – Speaker and Relationship Coach Helps People Navigate Their Divorce or Break up

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Transcription:

Lindsey Ellison 00:00
I have been really, really blessed with a business that has offered me, you know, the financial means to, you know, to live and not have to work for anybody else.

Gresham Harkless 00:42
Hello, hello, hello, this is Gretch from the I Am CEO podcast. And I have a very special guest on the show today at Lindsay ellison of lindsay ellison.com. lindsay, it's awesome to have you on the show.

Lindsay Ellison 00:50
Hey, thanks so much. I'm so glad to be here.

Gresham Harkless 00:52
No problem. Super excited to have you on. And what I want to do is just read a little bit more about Lindsay so we can hear about all the awesome things that she's doing. And Lizzie is an author, speaker, relationship coach, and founder of Start Over Coaching Incorporated, a coaching practice dedicated to helping people navigate their divorce or breakups. She has a best selling book titled Magic Words, how to get what yout Want From a Narcissist and a popular podcast called Unbreakable. You break up without being broken. Lindsay, are you ready to speak to the IM CEO community?

Lindsay Ellison 01:18
I am. Let's go.

Gresham Harkless 01:19
Let's make it happen. So I know you're doing loads of awesome things, but I wanted to hear a little bit more about your CEO story and what led you to get started with your business.

Lindsay Ellison 01:25
Oh, gosh. Well, I started coaching about eight years ago. I had always been actually in marketing and advertising. And it's strange because I was in this kind of corporate America career. And from there I became a consultant and I had a completely different business going on. But I found as though just doing that work, I was really kind of getting bored with it and it didn't feel that it was really my passion. And I had gone through a divorce 10 years ago and I went through a divorce. And I had dealt with the pain of navigating that divorce from thinking about it to, you know, how to do it, how to hire a lawyer, and all those kind of bits and pieces. And then once I was separated and really living a new life, we had been together for 17 years. So here I was at 35 years old, starting completely over. It was incredibly scary and overwhelming. And I remember looking online for real stories of how people did it. And back then, I think it's Changed quite a bit. But back then, there really weren't any books or blogs that really talked about it. None that I could find at the time. So I was just really felt as this kind of calling that I needed to share with others of how I did it. And I think a lot of that came from friends giving me their friends and saying, hey, I've got a friend going through a divorce. Would you mind talking to him or her? And then I would. And then I realized I had something to say. And so from there, I hadn't even thought about even coaching at this point. I just wanted to have content out into the world and write, and I wanted to write a book. And not knowing how to write a book, the advice that I kept getting was, Lindsay, you need a platform. Like, what the hell is that? So the platform, obviously is a website and all the different places that you offer free content, whether it's through social media, whether it's through a podcast. And that's really how I got started. I just said, okay, I'm going to just put. Put some content out there. And I started a website, and I wrote about maybe seven to ten blogs that were important for me to share. And it's almost as though I didn't even care so much. If I had one reader, I was happy. And so from there, I just started to evolve and my articles started to grow. And then I think that the turning point for me was I actually having come from a marketing and PR background, and I have a degree in journalism, I knew how to pitch my stories, and that is really how I got started. So I kind of found all these different outlets like Mind bodygreen and Huffington Post and Elephant Journal and your Tango. And I started to pitch. And then ultimately, for a couple of those platforms like Huffington Post, I became a contributing writer. And I did not get paid for any of that. That was just off free pr. And one of the articles that I had written really hit home and just, I think, struck a chord with the virtual world. And that went vi. So that was kind of like my big break. And once I did that, I realized, okay, I've got something here. And I got so many thousands of emails from people saying it was, oh, it was this. It would say as it was if you were writing about me, right? And then really that's. I'm like, okay, I can now start to monetize this and offer coaching and all kinds of things via my website.

Gresham Harkless 04:33
Nice. Well, obviously, sorry, you know, everything started out in that way, but I think it's, you Know, first of all, it's to me, the definition of true entrepreneur, to see something and then actually think about creating it. But I also think it kind of shows the beauty of this time and age where we are able to create our platforms, whether it be like you're doing podcast, books, website, just creating so much content. Because a lot of times, you know, we're kind of communicating ourselves or communicating things we're going through or communicating things that we're trying. And then there's that opportunity to kind of have that tribe come around you, just because we're not the only ones. And I think a lot of times when we go through, you know, sometimes difficult experiences, we feel like we're by ourselves. But by using these platforms, being able to communicate, you start to kind of create a lot of people and give people the power to be able to, to heal themselves, but also to express themselves.

Lindsay Ellison 05:17
Yeah. And I think what people really gravitate towards is behind the scenes information. And that's what you're doing. Right. You're talking with CEOs and business owners about the behind the scenes. Right. We all look at people and, oh, wow, you're super successful. But we all kind of really, what we really want to know is, how did you do it? And that's really where I felt as though was a unique differentiator on being really authentic and getting real and saying, this is how I did it. And these were the behind the scenes. And by the way, it was hard as hell, but I made it through the other side. And if it wasn't for my divorce, God, I made a business off of it. Right. So I, I, and I'm happily remarried and my life has just done a 180. And I love to inspire people and give them hope that while they're going through this difficult time, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Gresham Harkless 06:03
Absolutely. And that's why I love the name of your podcast and everything that you're doing, you know, breakup without being broken. Because I think sometimes those experiences could definitely break us. So I know you touched on a little bit. I wanted to hear a little bit more about your coaching practice. Take us through, like, exactly. Like how you're working with the clients that you, that you have.

Lindsay Ellison 06:17
Yeah. So my coaching has evolved quite a bit. And I think if anyone is in that service business, it's always that kind of what is the secret sauce in terms of your pricing model? And for anyone who's in that, again, the service business, how do you package something of value? And for me, I Do not take on any clients without them committing to a certain number of sessions with me. I do not do one offs because if you go away and you're not committed, then you've just wasted your money. It's not about wasting my time so much is. I want to make sure that everything that I do and how I coach is a value to someone so that each session is building on top of each other. And I think the difference between. Everyone always asks me, what's the difference between coaching and therapy? Well, a. I'm not a therapist. I don't have a psychology degree. I am more of a consultant really. And listening to what's going on with you. And again, my specialty, a lot of people come to me dealing with narcissism or dealing with a narcissistic partner, breaking up with a narcissist and dealing with codependency. So those are kind of. That's like some of the main work that I do. But at the end of the day, I always say it's never about the other person. This is about you. This is about your past and healing it. Well. It's not just about talking. You don't just talk to me. I'm always going to give you some applicable tools and homework at the end of every call that builds on top of each other. So at the end of the number of sessions that we've done together, you're going to see a dramatic shift in your life where you're going to just basically start to see the world with a completely different lens. And once you're able to see the world with a different lens, then you're able to make different changes in your life because you're not completely stuck in the past and your pain.

Gresham Harkless 07:57
That makes perfect sense. And that's actually what I was going to ask you, just that coaching piece because. And definitely correct me if I'm wrong, coaches, the idea is that a lot of times you have the answers within you, but sometimes you need to have that light shown on those answers or you sometimes need that kick in the butt sometimes just to go ahead and do the work that you need to do that you already know that you can do but need to be reminded of.

Lindsay Ellison 08:16
Right? I mean, even if you were to hire a coach, let's say to start a business, that coach is to help you bring out the idea in you, but also to give you the confidence to hold onto it. And I think that's when anyone is going through any transition. And I always say it's kind of the. You're about to give birth. But when you're in that transition, it sucks. It's painful. So it's. It's about letting them know this pain is going to subside. Lean into the pain and go through it. Don't be afraid of it. It's okay to have a meltdown at any time, but knowing, and I think this is where having gone through it and I am on the other side, I'm constantly encouraging my readers and my listeners that this is all temporary. And what is going to get you to the other side is, I say in the beginning of every podcast, is your breakup is actually a gift and it's meant to teach you something. And once you learn the lesson from the breakup, then suddenly you're very grateful for it and you're no longer, you know, resentful of this other person or hateful. And in fact, you have gratitude towards them. And when you have gratitude towards anyone, that obviously puts you in an abundant mindset versus a lacking mindset.

Gresham Harkless 09:26
Absolutely. Yeah. And the mindset part is so big, and I always say along the same lines is that things aren't happening to me. They're happening for me. And a lot of times when you have that mentality as you kind of talk about or that mindset, then that helps you to reframe a lot of things, even sometimes the worst things that could sometimes happen to you, whether it be in business or breakups or life. As things happen, you start to look at things in a different light. It allows you to have that abundant mindset. As you talked about, you might have already touched on this, but I wanted to ask you for your personal secret sauce or your secret sauce for your company and organization. What do you feel kind of sets you apart?

Lindsay Ellison 09:56
I think my secret sauce is transparency. I am never one to sit here and talk to you and say that I'm perfect and I love to share the messiness of everything and that it's not everything falls in linear order. You're going to go one step forward, two steps back. You're going to have a meltdown. You're going to completely fall off the wagon in terms of your growth and progress.

Gresham Harkless 10:22
Awesome. Awesome. So I wanted to switch gears a little bit, and I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. So this could be like an app, a book, or a habit that you have, but what's something that makes you more effective and efficient?

Lindsay Ellison 10:31
I think that one of the things that I've really learned as a CEO is having come out of corporate America and, you know, you get up and go to work at, you know, 8 to 5 and you're working all the time. I found. Is that a CEO? And starting my business, I. When I first started, I felt like I had to do the same thing, that I had to sit at my desk for eight hours and if I'm not productive, then I'll just still sit here and twiddle my thumbs. I think as I've gotten older and a little bit more comfortable with the process and my flow, I realized that I work crazy different hours and sometimes at 3pm I'm done for the day. And I used to feel really guilty about that. Now I just am okay with coming into my desk and then doing something else and then coming back to my desk and then doing something else. And when I. I'm also, I think anyone who's really creative, we struggle with add and we can't sit still for a long period of time. So I think one of the other things that I've done to help me be productive is I literally time block. And I will make myself for 30 minutes, edit my podcast or do a podcast, and then I'm done. And then I walk away and then I go do something else and then I come back to my computer and do something else.

Gresham Harkless 11:46
Exactly, exactly. So now I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. I'm sorry, CEO Nugget. And this is a word of wisdom or a piece of advice, or if you can hop into a time machine, what would you tell your younger business self?

Lindsay Ellison 11:57
Okay, so I'm going to start talk. I'll. I'll talk about hiring people and finding the right resources. And that was something that my younger self did not do. Well in the beginning.

Gresham Harkless 12:08
Absolutely. Yeah. Now, I wanted to ask you my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO. And we're hoping to have different quote, unquote CEOs on the show. And I know you touched on this a little bit, but, Lindsay, what does being a CEO means you?

Lindsay Ellison 12:19
Freedom. Does everyone answer that? And how do I. How else do people answer that? I mean, to me, it's freedom. I have been really, really blessed with a business that has offered me, you know, the financial means to. To, you know, to live and not have to work for anybody else. But as a woman, I have two children and I have two teenagers. And for anyone to think that your teenagers don't need you after school, wow. I learned that they do much more when they were little. So I love how at 3 o' clock I can, you know, work my schedule around and go pick them up or take them to sports or attend sporting events. There's so many things about being a mom that is really important to me and it doesn't last forever. So I think the freedom of the ability to kind of be that CEO and to do things with my family and to make dinner and to have time to go grocery shopping, I always say to people, actually I do really well and I don't think I even work that hard. I mean, I bust my ass on certain things and I have done a lot of things to build this business, but now that it's up and running, I don't really work insane hours anymore. I just don't. And so I think if anyone who can. And, and I was going to say also back to your question on the CEO nugget. Part of it is it's okay to hire people and then have them work for you and then have kind of this self running engine, self running machine where you're constantly making money through passive, passive income. So that's, that's also been really, really helpful as well.

Gresham Harkless 13:56
Yeah, absolutely. And I always say, you know, a lot of times you're kind of like an artist and being able to kind of paint that picture or have that freedom or create that freedom is definitely, you know, a big part of being a CEO. So you get to kind of make sure that you get to cherish those times with the family and people that are in your life as well too. So I appreciate that definition and I appreciate your time even more, Lindsey. And what I want to do is pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional you can let our readers and listeners know and then of course, how best they can get a hold of you and find out about all the awesome things that you're working on.

Lindsay Ellison 14:24
Yeah, sure. So my website is Lindsay Ellison.com and I'm also really active on Instagram. That's kind of my social media. So if you're looking for relationship advice or inspiration, that's the place to go. But if you have any questions, I mean, I also do help people get into the coaching business and getting started, learning, teaching a lot of people about how to do that. I'm all for anyone who wants to get into this field to reach out to me and ask any questions. And you know, I think the last tidbit of advice is, you know, don't. You've got one shot in life to, to be the best person that you can be. And if you have an idea or you're already working on the idea and let's just say it's not working out for you. You're really, really struggling with it. Keep going and you're going to find the resources or ask questions. And I, I think that's one of the things too is when you get started you just, it's kind of hard to ask for help. So finding a coach, finding a mentor that can help you is unbelievably awesome. And I think I have, I've had various coaches on, I have a speaking coach right now where I'm really narrowing in my content and what is it that I'm actually saying now? I've been speaking for years, but I thought I wanted up my game and it's time to hire a speaking coach. So I'm all about, you know, I'm a big coaching guru. Right. But I also, it's okay to be coached and I think every guru needs a guru. So just something to think about when you are all, you know, kind of if you ever have self doubt or you're hitting a roadblock, find other ways to get help and resources and a support network.

Gresham Harkless 15:51
Absolutely. Yeah. We can always have those opportunities to kind of sharpen the saw, so to speak. And I appreciate you for reminding us of that, of coaching and all the of course awesome things that you've been doing. So we will make sure to have the link for your website and your book and your podcast and the show notes as well too so that if anybody wants to follow up and of course Instagram as well. But thank you so much again and I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.