IAM2528 – Podcast Host and Business Coach Teaches Entrepreneurs to Embrace Fear

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Josh Cary Teaser 00:00

Once you establish that, how would you like to be remembered? Everything we do in this world, physically, we make millions of choices, actions, and decisions in our lifetime.

Individually, none of them matter. But we give them so much weight. They only matter in the grand context of how would you like to be remembered.

So, as long as everything serves that, you can push record, you can make that phone call, you can forgive that person, you can do what you wanna do, because it's serving that end result.

Intro 00:30

Are you ready to hear business stories and learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and level up your business from awesome CEOs, entrepreneurs, and founders without listening to a long, long, long interview?

If so, you've come to the right place. Gresh values your time and is ready to share with you the valuable info you're in search of. This is the I AM CEO Podcast.

Gresham Harkless 00:57

Hello, hello, hello. This is Gresh from the I AM CEO Podcast, and I have a very special guest on the show today.

I have Josh Cary, who is the host of the Hidden Entrepreneur Podcast. Josh, it's awesome to have you on the show.

Josh Cary 01:07

Gresham, absolute pleasure to be here. Thanks for the invite.

Gresham Harkless 01:10

No problem. Super excited to have you on and what I wanted to do was just read a little bit more about Josh, so you can hear about all the awesome things that he's doing and josh spent 40 years in hiding.

That's right, he was hiding every aspect of himself and showing up with a mask on in all areas, trying to get the approval of everyone else.

At 19, he changed his name and entered into what would become a 15-year career as a professional actor and filmmaker.

The applause and external accolades didn't completely heal his feelings of anxiety and insecurities, and he found himself more isolated than ever.

Today, Josh Cary is a podcast host and business coach to entrepreneurs who are ready, willing, and able to say, F that noise.

F that noise is the five-step process he used and now teaches others to embrace the fear holding them back. Josh, are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

Josh Cary 02:00

I have never been readier.

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Gresham Harkless 02:03

Awesome. I'm definitely looking forward to it. So, I wanted to kick everything off and ask you about what I call your CEO story and what led you to start your business.

Josh Cary 02:12

Great question. As you alluded to, today I am the Hidden Entrepreneur, and that's simply because I spent decades, 40-plus years, all of my life in hiding.

Hiding all of my power, my skill, all of my capability in every situation, in return for showing up as the person that I thought others expected me to be.

Now, this is good old-fashioned seeking approval, and I did that because, so early in my life, for a variety of reasons, I sold myself the false story that I am not valid, I am not able, and nobody cares what I have to say. We've heard this story before.

So, I took that role on very early, sold it to myself as truth, and went out into the world. And what we do is when we have this belief, we make it true, and we have to go out into the world to find the people and scenarios to help us validate that story.

And what I found, people are very willing to help you stay in that role you've defined for yourself.

And the big tension and conflict came was behind closed doors, I knew differently.

And that's what frustrated me and angered me because I knew what I was capable of, but I was scared out of my mind to dare step out of this label, this role that I defined for myself. And I did that for many, many years.

Gresham Harkless 03:39

Yeah, and that's something that a lot of people definitely struggle with. And I appreciate you for being able to break through and to become yourself and who you were called to be.

But also, in reaching back and help other people about that, because a lot of times you don't realize or that doesn't become kind of a reality to be able to do that to be able to step into who you think you who you are, and the outside world is pressuring you to be something else. I appreciate you for doing that.

Josh Cary 04:04

Thank you.

Gresham Harkless 04:05

Yeah, and I wanted to drill a little bit deeper into your podcast and some of the things that you're doing.

So, how are you helping those entrepreneurs and business owners do that?

Josh Cary 04:14

So today I have two adoring children that I give shout-outs to all the time because, whether they know it, see it, or feel it, they are the very reason that I've become who I am today.

I have an amazing five-year-old daughter, an incredible three-year-old son, and in the early part of their young lives, I was still showing up miserable and angry, and frustrated, and they are perfection in every regard.

I'm watching them from the beginning of their time till today, and my goodness, they are every bit of the person I wish I could ever be, and here I am getting in their way and just mucking up their whole deal.

And finally, I was like, what, I cannot continue to do this, to be this kind of person. I don't want to project myself 20 years down the line where I'm continuing to seek approval and be miserable and be desperate and needy and all these things.

And then see my daughter, for example, 20 years later, I'm now an empty nester, watching my daughter seek approval and be in the same situation because that's all she was around.

In that regard, I'd never be able to really live with that, and there'd be nothing I can do. Now, there's everything I can do.

And I knew that, what, I got to get this right. So, I took an honest look at all the little things I was doing any given day that were bad habits, bad patterns, took an honest look, and I said, this isn't serving me, this is getting in the way, I can do this better.

And I made that choice to take different action. And slowly but surely, one thing at a time, I started replacing those bad habits with a little better ones.

You do that consistently over time, every day, and things begin to look a whole lot better.

Gresham Harkless 06:03

I love that, and it sounds like every little bit adds up and it amounts to something, because I think a lot of times people don't know how exactly they can make those changes.

But for you, was it one thing that just was that spark that said, okay, I want to change this, or was there something that happened that made you say that I want to go this way instead, or this is the way I should have been going? And let me go ahead and do that.

Josh Cary 06:26

Well, my children were that one thing, realizing that I'm showing up as this angry, miserable, depressed person.

And also, to make matters even worse, I'm an entrepreneur, and my business was always suffering.

I always hit the same wall. There was tension and conflict and all this stuff in my day-to-day world.

I didn't go back to the drawing board, try to do something bigger, better, cheaper, more substantial. Oh, they're gonna love this. I'll scribble this on a paper and bring it to them. And they're like, yeah, no.

So, I realized, I'm the common denominator here. I'm the deal that needs to adjust, and I always knew that I was capable, so I was like, gotta get it right.

And like you said, not seeing this whole big project of change, like, oh, I gotta lose 50 pounds, I gotta make $100,000, whatever your big goal is, no, you achieve that one step at a time, one thing at a time.

So, I just made the decision and made the choice to put better actions into place slowly but surely, and I often say it's like I'm in recovery today, which means that because in most cases, I am right from this old habit and lifestyle.

This is a daily practice, but ideally, it's a daily practice that you love, and I do like I get up as early as I can every morning, and I love doing that.

I exercise every morning. I love doing that. So, you start finding these little things that all just play into the bigger picture of the whole that you can love, that you can grasp onto, and see your life getting better and better as you envision it for your big why.

One of the things that I help entrepreneurs do is plan for that ultimate question, which is, how would you like to be remembered?

And I took that question and answered it really, really definitively for myself, because that answer means that once you establish that, how would you like to be remembered?

Everything we do in this world, physically, we make millions of choices, actions, and decisions in our lifetime. Individually, none of them matter, but we give them so much weight.

They only matter in the grand context of how would you like to be remembered. So as long as everything serves that, you can push record, you can make that phone call, you can forgive that person, you can do what you wanna do, because it's serving that end result.

Gresham Harkless 08:59

Absolutely, and it helps you have that mission and North Star where you're looking at everything.

So that's definitely a phenomenal kind of reminder and a question to ask because you're always talking about legacy and every action and non-action sometimes is alignment with that.

So, would that be what you would consider to be like your secret sauce and what you feel kind of distinguishes you or your organization?

Josh Cary 09:19

There's a few things, and it's never an easy answer to arrive at, right? You sort of have to do things, put yourself out there, figure it out.

And a few things. One of the things that I always acknowledged and that has been reflected back to me is something about my energy, right?

So, I've always, people are like, oh man, I love your energy. And after a while, I'm like, what does that mean?

Okay, great, thanks. What I think it means is I'm figuring out who I am at my core, and I'm showing up that way, not resisting or putting anything on, so it's a comforting, very cool energy.

So, what I do is I wind up attracting the people that like it, can vibe with that, which is surprising because I thought when I stepped into this kind of persona, which was me the entire time.

I thought people would retaliate, would have something to say, would start throwing those sticks and stones at me.

It didn't happen. I get to surround myself with amazing people like you, Gresh, and others who are now my peers, my colleagues.

Gresham Harkless 10:21

Absolutely. Absolutely. That's a phenomenal reminder. Cause a lot of times, some of the things that we think are the worst things that can happen are really just in our head.

And it's funny. I saw I read something on Instagram the other day. It said, I have 99 problems and 97 of them are made up in my head.

So, a lot of times we make these things up and they're not really going to actually happen.

Josh Cary 10:39

So true. Exactly.

Gresham Harkless 10:40

So I wanted to switch gears a little bit, and I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. And this might be an Apple book or a habit that you have, but it's something that makes you more effective and efficient.

Josh Cary 10:50

Well, like I said, I have established and continue to establish a variety of better daily habits, routines, and patterns.

Having acknowledged we all have habits, routines, and patterns, whether they're good or bad, you acknowledge them or not.

So back in the day, I had to realize, there's a couple of dozen things, big, medium, and small, that I'm doing that really aren't getting me where I wanna go.

So, I replaced those one, one at a time, so today I have a few, including meditation has been like at night, find what, I always used to, whenever I heard, yeah, you gotta meditate, I was like, ah, not resonating for me, I don't get it, I probably don't need it now, until I did.

Finally, I was like, oh my gosh, I gotta try this, and I did, and it's something I look forward to every night, 20, 30 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever, if it works for you, great, it works for me.

But even more specifically, to answer your question, my morning has become the thing. You hear about this, you read books on this, getting your morning right.

So, I know how much time I want and need of me time in the morning to make my day, thus my life, effective.

I get up today at six in the morning. It used to be later, but I've inched it back, and anybody can do that very easily. Tomorrow, wake up 15 minutes earlier.

And also, no snooze. That I read is a big thing. It's just gonna mess you up. Get up as soon as the alarm goes off.

Gresham Harkless 12:20

Nice, and I appreciate you for sharing that with us, especially what works for you. And I love the fact, too, that, again, a lot of times, we're like, okay, well, I wake up at 8 a.m., so how the heck am I gonna wake up at 6.30?

But you say 15 minutes, and you start doing 15 minutes, and slowly and surely, you're waking up at 6.30, you're waking up at 6 a.m., whatever your goal might be, so I appreciate you for reminding us of that.

And now I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO nugget, and this is a word of wisdom or a piece of advice, or if you can hop into a time machine, what would you tell your younger business self?

Josh Cary 12:49

The first thing that has worked for me is figuring out the answer to that ultimate question.

How would you like to be remembered? And if it's a version of I want to change the world, that's a good start.

But really quick, break that down into who do you want to change it for? How do you want to change it and why? Do you want to change it, right? So, get as specific and granular as you can, and then everything in your day-to-day supports that.

Again, every action we take today in this world is not definite. It doesn't mean anything individually.

But what does mean something, and what does become finite, definite, is after we're gone, how we wanna be remembered. That we can't change.

But we can change every single thing we're doing now to make that story that people are talking about us when we're no longer here, and how we are remembered, that we can change to our advantage, and it begins right now, not on your deathbed, not when you're 50, not when you're married, it begins now.

Gresham Harkless 14:00

Absolutely. And then, I always say, begin with the end in mind and, not understanding this is where you're going to be, but that doesn't start, like you said, on that day, it starts today.

It starts on how people are talking about you, what energy and what energy you have or don't have, and how that's being portrayed out. And that is your legacy.

So, I appreciate you for reminding us of that as well, too. And now I wanted to ask you my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO.

And we're hoping to have different quote-unquote CEOs on the show. So, Josh, what does being a CEO means to you?

Josh Cary 14:31

Being a CEO means you are the person that the people who you respect and look up to, respect and look up to you.

Gresham Harkless 14:42

Absolutely. Josh, I truly appreciate your time. What I wanted to do was pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional you can let our readers and listeners know.

And then, of course, how best they can get a whole view and listen to your podcast.

Josh Cary 14:53

Well, thank you, I'll leave you with this. One sort of little theme that perhaps is evident here that I always come to the table with is the idea that what we're doing in this world, in this moment, for better or worse, whether we prepare for it or not, it's going to come to an end.

And I've gotten more and more accepting of that, to the point, especially with children.

So, here's the thing for me, that I am so conscious of that fact that, besides accepting it or not accepting it, the way I live my life today is I want to make sure that every moment I have with my children, should life end at a moment's notice.

And without warning, which it could truth of the matter, this is what helps me, since life can happen like that, I want to make sure that any moment and every moment I have with my children, should it be my last, is significant and ideal enough to go forward.

Gresham Harkless 15:54

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. That's definitely a great reminder for all of us to stay present in the moment, that I cherish every moment, because just like you were able to kind of take those steps.

And I appreciate you for also reminding us that we're able to do the same, too. And people that want to subscribe to your podcast and get a hold of you, what's the best way?

Josh Cary 16:10

On my website, it's all there, JoshCary.com.

Gresham Harkless 16:13

Awesome, awesome, awesome. We'll have that link in the show notes as well. And I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.

Josh Cary 16:18

Likewise, Gresham. Thank you so much for this. I loved being here.

Outro 16:21

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO Podcast powered by CB Nation and Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co. I AM CEO is not just a phrase. It's a community.

Want to level up your business even more? Read blogs, listen to podcasts, and watch videos at CBNation.co. Also, check out our I AM CEO Facebook group. This has been the I AM CEO Podcast with Gresham Harkless Jr. Thank you for listening.

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