IAM1746 – Speaker and Relationship Coach Helps People Navigate Their Divorce or Break up

Why it was selected for “CBNation Architects”: In this episode of the “I Am CEO” podcast, Gresham Harkless interviews Lindsey Ellison, a speaker and relationship coach who helps people navigate through divorce or break-ups.

Lindsey Ellison Teaser 00:00

This is all temporary. And what is going to get you to the other side is, I say in the beginning of every podcast is your breakup is actually a gift and it's meant to teach you something. Once you learn the lesson from the breakup, then suddenly you're very grateful for it.

Intro 00:18

Do you want to learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and grow your business from successful entrepreneurs, startups, and CEOs without listening to a long, long, long interview?

If so, you've come to the right place. Gresham Harkless values your time and is ready to share with you precisely the information you're in search of.

This is the I AM CEO podcast.

Gresham Harkless 00:44

Hello, hello, hello. This is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast and I appreciate you listening to this episode. If you've been listening this year, you know that we hit 1600 episodes at the beginning of this year. We're doing something a little bit different where we're repurposing our favorite episodes around certain categories or topics or as I like to call them, the business pillars that we think are going to be extremely impactful for CEOs, entrepreneurs, and business owners, and what I like to call the CB nation architects who are looking to level up their organizations.

This month we are focused on our greatest asset- talent management and hiring. Think from great resignation to the great renovation and if you disagree with me, maybe these episodes might be especially for you. Life and especially business has changed. It has forced those that are within organizations to look differently at talent, and how it's being managed.

When we talk about change, think about it, we have to realize that business as usual is no longer here. And that's evident in attracting and retaining clients, but also in setting up. People within organizations to succeed. Think onboarding, think DEI diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging. How it is working from home and even going back into the office.

Things are different in this month. We are going to explore these topics by featuring CEO hacks and CEO nuggets, but also interviews that focus on these changes and how organizations can make sure they care for and attract the most valuable asset- their people. Sit back and enjoy this special episode of the I AM CEO podcast.

Hello, hello, hello. This is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast and I have a very special guest on the show today. I have Lindsey Ellison of lindseyellison.com. Lindsey, it's awesome to have you on the show.

Lindsey Ellison 02:14

Hey, thanks so much. I'm so glad to be here.

Gresham Harkless 02:16

No problem. Super excited to have you on. What I want to do is just read a little bit more about Lindsey, so you can hear about all the awesome things that she's doing.

Lindsey is an author, speaker, relationship coach, and founder of Start Over Coaching, incorporated, a coaching practice dedicated to helping people navigate their divorce or breakups. She has a bestselling book titled Magic Words, how to Get What You Want From a Narcissist and a popular podcast called Unbreakable You: Break Up without Being Broken.

Lindsey, are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

Lindsey Ellison 02:41

I am. Let's go.

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Gresham Harkless 02:42

Let's make it happen. So I know you're doing loads of awesome things, but I wanted to hear a little bit more about your CEO's story and what led you to get started with your business.

Lindsey Ellison 02:49

Oh gosh. I started coaching about eight years ago. I had always been actually in marketing and advertising and it's strange because I was in this kind of corporate America career. From there I became a consultant and I had a completely different business going on. But I found as though just doing that work, I was really kind of getting bored with it and it didn't feel that it was really my passion and I had gone through a divorce 10 years ago. I went through a divorce and I had dealt with the pain of navigating that divorce from thinking about it to how to do it, how to hire a lawyer, and all those kind of bits and pieces.

Once I was separated and really living a new life, we had been together for 17 years. So here I was at 35 years old, starting completely over. It was incredibly scary and overwhelming.  I remember looking online for real stories of how people did it. It's changed quite a bit, but back then there really weren't any books or blogs that really talked about it. None that I could find at the time. So I just really felt this kind of calling that I needed to share with others of how I did it. I think a lot of that came from friends giving me their friends and saying, Hey, I've got a friend going through a divorce, would you mind talking to him or her? And then I would.

Then I realized I had something to say. I hadn't even thought about even coaching at this point. I just wanted to have content out into the world. I wanted to write a book and not knowing how to write a book. The advice that I kept getting was, Lindsay, you need a platform. I'm like, what the hell is that? So the platform obviously is a website and all the different places that you offer free content, whether it's through social media, whether it's through a podcast, and that's really how I got started. I just said, okay, I'm gonna just put some content out there.

I started a website and I wrote about maybe 7 to 10 blogs that were important for me to share. It's almost as though I didn't even care so much. If I had one reader, I was happy. From there, I just started to evolve and my articles started to grow. I think the turning point for me was actually having come from a marketing and PR background, and I have a degree in journalism, I knew how to pitch my stories and that is really how I got started. So I found all these different outlets, like Mind Body Green, Huffington Post, Elephant Journal and Your Tango. I started to pitch and then ultimately for a couple of those platforms, like Huffington Post, I became a contributing writer.

I did not get paid for any of that. That was just all free PR. One of the articles that I had written really hit home and I think struck a chord with a virtual world, and that went viral. That was like my big break. Once I did that, I realized, okay, I've got something here. I got so many, gosh, probably thousands of emails from people saying it was, oh, it was this, it would say as it was if you were writing about me. Then really that's, I'm like, okay, I can now start to monetize this and offer coaching and all kinds of things via my website.

Gresham Harkless 05:56

Nice. Obviously, sorry. Everything started out in that way of sometimes difficult experiences. We feel like we're by ourselves, but by using these platforms and being able to communicate, you start to create a lot of people and give people the power to be able to heal themselves but also to express themselves.

Lindsey Ellison 06:09

Yeah. And I think what people really gravitate towards is behind-the-scenes information, and that's what you're doing, right? You're talking with CEOs and business owners about behind the scenes, right? We all look at people and, oh wow, you're super successful but what we really wanna know is how did you do it right?

That's really where I felt as though was a unique differentiator. On being really authentic and getting real and saying, this is how I did it, and these were the behind-the-scenes. By the way, it was hard as hell, but I made it through the other side. If it wasn't for my divorce, God, I made a business off of it. So, exactly. I'm happily remarried and my life has just done a 180, and I love to inspire people and give them hope that while they're going through this difficult time, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Gresham Harkless 06:55

Absolutely. That's why I love the name of your podcast and everything that you're doing, Breakup without Being Broken because I think sometimes those experiences could definitely break us.

So, I know you touched on it a little bit. I wanted to hear a little bit more about your coaching practice. Take us through exactly how you're working with the clients that you have.

Lindsey Ellison 07:08

Yeah, so my coaching has evolved quite a bit and I think if anyone is in that service business, it's always that kind of, what is the secret sauce in terms of your pricing model and for anyone who's in that again, the service business, how do you package something of value? For me, I do not take on any clients without them committing to a certain number of sessions with me. I do not do one-offs because if you go away and you're not committed, then you've just wasted your money.

It's not about wasting my time so much is I wanna make sure that everything that I do and how I coach is of value to someone so that each session is building on top of each other. Everyone always asks me, what's the difference between coaching and therapy? I'm not a therapist, I don't have a psychology degree. I am more of a consultant really, and listening to what's going on with you. Again, my specialty, a lot of people come to me dealing with narcissism or dealing with a narcissistic partner, breaking up with a narcissist, and dealing with codependency.

Those are some of the main work that I do. But at the end of the day, I always say it's never about the other person. This is about you. This is about your past and healing it. It's not just about talking. You don't just talk to me. I'm always going to give you some applicable tools and homework at the end of every call that builds on top of each other. So at the end of the number of sessions that we've done together, you're gonna see a dramatic shift in your life where you're gonna just basically start to see the world with a completely different lens. Once you're able to see the world with a different lens, then you're able to make. Different changes in your life because you're not completely stuck in the past and in your pain.

Gresham Harkless 08:49

That makes perfect sense. That's actually what I was gonna ask you, just that coaching piece and definitely correct me if I'm wrong, the coach idea is that a lot of times you have the answers within you. But sometimes you need to have that light shown on those answers or you sometimes need that kick in the butt sometimes just to go ahead and do the work that you need to do that you already know that you can do, but need to be reminded of.

Lindsey Ellison 09:08

Even if you were to hire a coach, let's say to start a business. That coach is to help you bring out the idea in you, but also to give you the confidence to hold on to it. I think that's when anyone is going through any transition, and I always say you're about to give birth, but when you're in that transition, it sucks. It's painful.

So it's about letting them know this pain is going to subside. Lean into the pain and go through it. Don't be afraid of it. It's okay to have a meltdown at any time. But knowing, and I think this is where having gone through it and I am on the other side, I'm constantly encouraging my readers and my listeners that this is all temporary. What is going to get you to the other side is, I say at the beginning of every podcast is your breakup is actually a gift. It's meant to teach you something and once you learn the lesson from the breakup, then suddenly you're very grateful for it. You're no longer resentful of this other person or hateful.

In fact, you have gratitude towards them. When you have gratitude towards anyone, that obviously puts you in an abundant mindset versus a lacking mindset.

Gresham Harkless 10:16

Absolutely. You might have already touched on this, but I wanted to ask you for your personal secret sauce or your secret sauce for your company and organization. What do you feel sets you apart?

Lindsey Ellison 10:24

I think my secret sauce is transparency. I am never one to sit here and talk to you and say that I'm perfect. I love to share the messiness of everything and that it's not everything falls in linear order. You're gonna go one step forward, two steps back, you're gonna have a meltdown. You're gonna completely fall off the wagon in terms of your growth and progress.

Gresham Harkless 10:51

Awesome. Awesome, awesome. So I wanted to switch gears a little bit, and I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. So this could be like an app, a book, or a habit that you have, but what's something that makes you more effective and efficient?

Lindsey Ellison 11:00

I think that one of the things that I've really learned as a CEO is having come out of corporate America and you get up and go to work at eight to five and you're working all the time. I found that a CEO and starting my business when I first started, I felt like I had to do the same thing, that I had to sit at my desk for eight hours, and if I'm not productive, then I'll just still sit here and twiddle my thumbs.

I think as I've gotten older and a little bit more comfortable with the process and my flow, I realize that I work crazy different hours and sometimes at 3:00 PM I'm done for the day. I used to feel really guilty about that. Now I just am okay with coming into my desk and then doing something else and then coming back to my desk and then doing something else.

I think anyone who's really creative, we struggle with ADD. We can't sit still for a long period of time. So I think one of the other things that I've done to help me be productive is I literally time block and I will make myself for 30 minutes, edit my podcast or do a podcast and then I'm done and then I walk away and then I go do something else then I come back to my computer and do something else.

Gresham Harkless 12:15

Exactly. Exactly. Now I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO nugget. This is a word of wisdom or a piece of advice, or if you can hop into a time machine, what would you tell your younger business self?

Lindsey Ellison 12:25

Okay. So I'm gonna talk about hiring people and finding the right resources. That was something that my younger self did not do well in the beginning.

Gresham Harkless 12:37

Absolutely. Yeah. Now I wanted to ask you my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO. We're hoping to have different quote and quote CEOs on the show. And I know you touched on this a little bit, but Lindsey, what does being a CEO mean to you?

Lindsey Ellison 12:47

Freedom. Does everyone answer that? How else do people answer that? To me it's freedom. I have been really blessed with a business that has offered me the financial means to live and not have to work for anybody else. But as a woman, I have two children, I have two teenagers.

And for anyone thinking that your teenagers don't need you after school? Wow. I learned that they do much more even when they were little. So I love how at three o'clock I can work my schedule around and go pick them up or take them to sports or attend sporting events. There are so many things about being a mom that is really important to me and it doesn't last forever. So I think the freedom of the ability to be that CEO and to do things with my family and to make dinner and to have time to go grocery shopping, I always say to people, actually, I do really well, and I don't think I even work that hard.

I bust my ass on certain things and I have done a lot of things to build this business, but now that it's up and running, I don't really work in insane hours anymore. I just don't. I was gonna say also back to your question on the CEO Nugget, part of it is it's okay to hire people and then have them work for you, and then have kind of the self-running engine, a self-running machine where you're constantly making money through passive income. So that's also been really helpful as well.

Gresham Harkless 14:20

Yeah, absolutely. I always say a lot of times you're like an artist and being able to paint that picture or have that freedom or create that freedom is definitely, a big part of being a CEO. So you get to make sure that you get to cherish those times with the family and then people that are in your life as well too. So I appreciate that definition and I appreciate your time even more, Lindsey.

What I wanted to do was pass you the mic so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional you can let our readers and listeners know. Then of course, how best they can get ahold of you and find out about all the awesome things that you're working on.

Lindsey Ellison 14:45

Yeah, sure. So my website is lindseyellison.com and I'm also really active on Instagram. That's my social media. So if you're looking for relationship advice or inspiration, that's a place to go. If you have any questions, I also do help people get into the coaching business and getting started, teaching a lot of people about how to do that. I'm all for anyone who wants to get into this field to reach out to me and ask any questions.

I think the last tidbit of advice is, you've got one shot in life to be the best person that you can be, and if you have an idea or you're already working on the idea, let's just say it's not working out for you, you're really struggling with it, keep going and you're going to find the resources or ask questions. I think that's one of the things too, is when you get started it's kind of hard to ask for help. So finding a coach, finding a mentor that can help you is unbelievably awesome.

I've had various coaches. I have a speaking coach right now where I'm really narrowing in my content and what is it that I'm actually saying now? I've been speaking for years, but I thought I wanted to up my game and it's time to hire a speaking coach.  I'm a big coaching guru, right? It's okay to be coached and I think every guru needs a guru. So just something to think about. If you ever have self-doubt or you're hitting a roadblock, find other ways to get help and resources and a support network.

Gresham Harkless 16:10

We'll make sure to have the link for your website and your book, your podcast, and the show notes as well too. Thank you so much again, and I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.

Outro 16:17

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO podcast, powered by Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co. I AM CEO is not just a phrase it's a community.

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This has been the I AM CEO podcast with Gresham Harkless. Thank you for listening.

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