IAM2266 – Author and Speaker Helps Individuals Master the Art of Setting Boundaries

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Sheryl Green: And I think that's something that we need to realize in every aspect of our lives. Like when you really put your mind to something, when you really put your mind to learning and setting boundaries, like you're going to get there. It might suck for a little while, but you're going to get there.

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Intro: Are you ready to hear business stories and learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and level up your business from awesome CEOs, entrepreneurs, and founders without listening to a long, long, long interview? If so, you've come to the right place. Gresh values your time and is ready to share with you the valuable info you're in search of. This is the I Am CEO podcast.

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Gresham Harkless: Hello, hello, hello. This is Gresh from the I Am CEO podcast and I have a special guest back on the show today. I have Cheryl Green. Cheryl, excited to have you back on.

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Sheryl Green: Thank you for having me, I'm excited.

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Gresham Harkless: Yes, I'm excited as well too and Cheryl's doing so many awesome things. I can't wait to dive in to hear about all the awesome things you've been working on. And of course, Before we do that, I have to read a little bit more about Sharon so I can hear about some of those awesome things. And Sharon has taken people pleasing to Olympic levels. For decades, she's put everyone else's needs above her own until she hit a metaphorical brick wall. After committing to 1 too many responsibilities, Sharon discovered the importance of boundaries. Okay, she actually discovered that

01:21 - 01:56

Gresham Harkless: brownies were even a thing. Now she is the how to say no expert, working with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries, to improve relationships, communications, and wellbeing. Cheryl has a master's degree in forensic psychology and is the author of 7 books, including You Had Me at No. How Setting Healthy Boundaries Helps You to Banish Burnout, Repair Relationships, and Save Your Sanity. And Cheryl has been on the show before. She's on episode number 720 of our IMCO podcast. And I love what it says on her website, to banish burnout, repair relationships, save your sanity, unleash the

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Gresham Harkless: art and science of magic of boundaries. Because I think so many times we don't realize how powerful saying no is in our lives in order for us to get to where we want to be. And then looking to her book, I really love when she started everything about how she didn't like playing Monopoly and how we all have monopolies in our lives that we need to say no to. So Cheryl, excited to have you on the show. Are you ready to speak to the IMCO community?

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Sheryl Green: I'm ready. Let's do it.

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Gresham Harkless: Let's get it started then. So to kind of kick everything off, let's rewind the clock a little bit. Here a little bit more on your CO story, what you've been working on since we last spoke.

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Sheryl Green: Yeah. So I had that rock bottom moment about we're going on 3 years now where I was running my content writing business, doing ghost writing and other things and COVID hit. And like many other people, my business just tanked overnight. You know, people were not exactly worried about having blogs written when the pandemic first started. Right. So the dogs were not bringing any money into the household. They never do. So I was like, what am I gonna do? So I had been, you know, volunteering, serving on the board, working with an animal rescue for 12 years.

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Sheryl Green: And at that point, I went full time. And I said, Okay, let's let's do this. I'm throwing myself into this help others through the pandemic. And then my clients came back. And I had to take them because animal rescue is not a get-rich-up, get-rich-all scheme. So, you know, I started taking the clients back and I'm working full time at the rescue. I'm running the business. I'm taking care of my parents who were getting older and sicker. And I'm still volunteering for all

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Gresham Harkless: the things.

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Sheryl Green: Like, yes, I'll throw on that board. I'll do this. I'll be here that weekend. Yes, I'll help you move, like all

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Gresham Harkless: the things.

03:50 - 04:24

Sheryl Green: And I just plain broke. I started out crying constantly and people always laugh when I say this because look, I cry a lot normally, I get that. But this was just constantly, could not get the, couldn't get words out without tears. And I was short and I was angry and I was resentful and I drank more in 1 week than I've drank in like the last, you know, 10 years. And 1 day I was just kind of driving down the road, saw the oncoming headlights and thought I could just drive in, I could just cross the

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Sheryl Green: median and just end it. And spoiler alert, I didn't. So I'm here, I cleared off my plate of all non-essentials, absolutely everything. I told my boss that the rescue was taking a month off to focus on my mental health and ultimately did not go back there. And I was doing okay for a while. I was doing good. I met my, or started dating my now husband and we're starting to plan the wedding and all these things, we moved quite quickly. So, you know, Like 6 months later, I looked around and I was like, why is my

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Sheryl Green: plate full again? Everything came back and it like, it brought its friends. And you know, it was this really inner focus moment. And a friend of mine sent me a book on boundaries and I read it and I was like, Oh, that's my problem. Like now I get it. I don't have any of these and I never had. So I started this journey and decided I couldn't possibly be the only 1 with this problem, which I've since found out was a safe statement to me.

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Gresham Harkless: Yes.

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Sheryl Green: And since then, I've been you know, I wrote the book, I did the coloring book, I've been speaking on it, I'm starting to coach on it. And I just love the, I love the feedback that I've been getting. Like 2 weeks ago, I had someone come up to me at an event and hug me. And she goes, you helped me and you don't even know it. And it's just, I'm like, OK, I'm on the right path. And it took oncoming headlights to get there.

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Gresham Harkless: Yeah, absolutely. So I wanted to drill down a little bit more, hear a little bit more on how you're working with and serving clients. We'd love to hear, of course, more about your coloring book, the book, and all the awesome things you're doing to serve clients you work with.

06:25 - 06:41

Sheryl Green: Yeah. So I'll start with the coloring book just because that was the most fun to create. I was on a podcast or a TV show right after I released the book and the host said to me, what's up next? And I was just like, I'm going to make a coloring

06:41 - 06:42

Gresham Harkless: book. I love it.

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Sheryl Green: And he just started laughing at me because he knows me for years and he goes, are you an artist? And I'm like, no, not really. He's like, how are you gonna do a coloring book? And I'm like, I don't know, but it'll be out by Christmas. And it was so, and it was, it was out by

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Gresham Harkless: Christmas.

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Sheryl Green: So I'm just, it's fun. It's just like Mandala inspired designs with quotes from the book and other wise things that have come out of my mouth. But it was the realization, I didn't know how I was going to get something done, but I knew I was going to do it, I figured it out. And I think that's something that we need to realize in every aspect of our lives. Like when you really put your mind to something, when you really put your mind to learning and setting boundaries, like you're going to get there. It might suck

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Sheryl Green: for a little while, but you're going to get there. So that's kind of, that was my creative, my artsy creative. I'm like, I know I can write, but can I make arts? So, but yeah, Now I'm focused on keynotes and on workshops where we can really dive in deep. The understanding where your boundaries are and the identifying where you want them to be is 1 aspect of it. But then we have to communicate it to other people. Having the boundary in your head is great, but unless your friends and boss are all psychics, they don't know

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Sheryl Green: what it is. So I really kind of focus in on the communication aspect. The how do you say no, well the name of the keynote is how do you say no without burning bridges and when to light the match. So it really that communication piece and truthfully that's what we're scared

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Gresham Harkless: of.

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Sheryl Green: Nobody's like, oh, I'm gonna imagine a boundary in my head and the world's gonna end. Maybe somebody is, I should say. But most of us are like, oh my god, I have to like tell that to someone. And then they're going to hate me or they're going to fire me or they're going to dump me or whatever it may be. So I really love to focus in on that. How do we do that, that healthy communication where we're actually strengthening our relationships, not weakening them or ruining them?

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Gresham Harkless: Yeah, that's such a huge thing. And so I almost wonder, is this part of like your secret sauce? It could be for yourself, the organization, or a combination of both. But I feel like you have an ability to be able to kind of build a bridge, I'll say, to where it's not just saying no. Like you just say no to that. You actually understand the behind the scenes on how people can actually do that in their organization and businesses. Do you feel like that's part of your secret sauce and what sets you apart in McChieng?

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Sheryl Green: It is, you know, we get frustrated. I don't know if anybody else has experienced this, but I know I've seen it in action where you go to the doctor and they say, oh, you need to lose weight. But they don't give you dietary recommendations or any, you know, exercise or maybe if you stop being so stressed, you wouldn't hold on to the pounds. Like, they don't give you any of that. They just say like, you need to lose weight. And I think we're dealing with that a lot. Like there's so much research that mental health really

10:10 - 10:29

Sheryl Green: is getting Getting its spotlight right now in the business world but we're not actually making any headway. And I think that's because it's like, well, burnout's bad and we have to have work-life balance and boundaries are good and go figure out what that

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Gresham Harkless: means.

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Sheryl Green: Right, right. You're on your own now. We've given you the motivation. So yeah, I'm very focused in on how do you actually evaluate opportunities? We have a habit of, some people have a habit of that automatic. Yes, or the automatic. No, you know, there's there's people that are closed off to absolutely everything and that's not healthy either. But if you have a an actual Evaluation process that you run everything through and you pause Long enough to let your brain kick in So you can go through the evaluation process Then it you know, it kind of gives

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Sheryl Green: you a leg up on the situation and it allows you to really make an intentional decision based off of the information and the situation at hand and your larger life purpose.

11:28 - 11:42

Gresham Harkless: Yeah, that ends up being such a huge thing. So I wanted to switch gears a little bit. And you might have already touched on this, but I want to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. So this could be like an Apple book or even a habit that you have. What's something you lean on that makes you more effective and efficient?

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Sheryl Green: That's a great question. So I'm actually in the process, I'm almost done reading Crucial Conversations right now. And I am addicted to this book, and I would marry it if it would have me. It breaks down conversations and how to communicate and the different kinds of communicators. And I am I'm seriously obsessed with this book. I actually track down. We're not going to

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Gresham Harkless: call it stuff.

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Sheryl Green: I'm sorry. Right. 1 of the authors on LinkedIn and she accepted my request. So I'm like, but you know, 1 of the things that I absolutely love about the book and it's, it's right up in the beginning is they talk about fool's choice And Fool's choice is I can either communicate or I can maintain the relationship. And we believe that there's only these 2 options. And what the book does, and what I'm gonna suggest in the Boundary World, is that you can have the conversation and when you do it properly, you also save the relationship. So

12:58 - 13:08

Sheryl Green: yeah, I highly recommend that book. I'm, like I said, almost done with it, but I'm already incorporating it into my own conversations and into what

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Gresham Harkless: I teach. Yeah, I appreciate you so much in sharing that. So you might have already touched on this, but what would you consider to be a little bit more of what I call a CEO nugget? So this could be something from your book, something you might tell your younger business self if you were to happen to a time machine or something you might mention to your favorite client.

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Sheryl Green: Yikes. So I would say that we have this concept that boundaries are just for us. And I think the nugget I would share is that they're not just for us, they're actually for other people as well. If you go around town throwing out yeses all over the place, you can't deliver, You just can't. You're either going to do everything you can and then burn out and implode. Or you're going to miss deadlines, you're going to slip up, you're not going to deliver as well as you could, whatever that failure looks like for you. When you set

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Sheryl Green: healthy boundaries, when you're very careful about what you agree to do about the opportunities you take on, the projects you take on, you're protecting other people as well because now they're getting the chance to find somebody who actually can do it to their level of need to figure it out themselves, which is so crazy empowering. So there's all of these benefits for the other people. So it's not selfish to set a boundary. I would say it's selfish not to. So kind of a little flip in the mindset there.

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Gresham Harkless: Yeah, I love that. So I wanted to ask you now my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO and our goal is to have different quote unquote CEOs on the show. So Cheryl, what does being a CEO mean to you?

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Sheryl Green: I would say creating a movement that empowers others. Creating a movement that empowers others.

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Gresham Harkless: Perfect, perfect, perfect. Well, Cheryl, truly appreciate that definition. Of course, I appreciate your time even more. So what I want to do now was pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional that you can let our readers and listeners know. And of course, how best people can get a hold of you, get a copy of the book, coloring book, find out all the awesome things that you're working on.

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Sheryl Green: Sure. So I'll do all that and then I'll leave them with a last thought. So my website is SherylGreenspeaks.com. That is Sheryl with an S. You can go there and find all the information on my books. They are available on Amazon And you can also download a how to say no cheat sheet because that is the most challenging part of boundary setting is that actual communication. So I created sentence starters for people to find that conversation easier. And honestly, I have clients that print it out, laminate it and slap it to their wall. So if someone

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Sheryl Green: comes in, they're like, hold on. I would say definitely check that out. I've got a ton of videos on YouTube, which is also Cheryl Green Speaks. I'm on Instagram.

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Gresham Harkless: And of course, we're gonna have the links and information. The show knows as well too, so that everybody can follow up with you. And I hope you have a phenomenal rest of

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Sheryl Green: the day. Thanks.

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Intro: Thank you for listening to the I Am CEO podcast powered by CB Nation and Blue 16 media. Tune in next time and visit us at imceo.co. IMCEO is not just a phrase, it's a community. Want to level up your business even more? Read blogs, listen to podcasts, and watch videos at CBNation.co. Also, check out our IMCEO Facebook group. This has been the IMCEO Podcast with Gresham Harkless Jr. Thank you for listening.