IAM467- Speaker and Relationship Coach Helps People Navigate Their Divorce or Break up

Lindsey Ellison is an author, speaker, relationship coach, and founder of Start Over Coaching Inc., a coaching practice dedicated to helping people navigate their divorce or break up. She has a best-selling book titled MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist, and a popular podcast called Unbreakable You: Break Up Without Being Broken.

• CEO Hack: Time blocking for productivity
• CEO Nugget: Hiring the right people and finding resources
• CEO Defined: Freedom to have time for my family and business

Website: http://www.lindseyellison.com/

Instagram: @Lindsey_Ellison

My book: https://www.amazon.com/MAGIC-Words-What-Want-Narcissist/dp/1989161480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1544116773&sr=8-1&keywords=magic+words+lindsey+ellison

My podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unbreakable-you-breakup-without-being-broken/id1464567583

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Transcription

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Intro 0:02

Do you want to learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and grow your business from successful entrepreneurs, startups, and CEOs without listening to a long, interview? If so, you've come to the right place, Gresham Harkless values your time and is ready to share with you precisely the information you're in search of. This is the I AM CEO podcast.

Gresham Harkless 0:29

Hello, this is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast and I have a very special guest on the show today. I've Lindsey Ellison of lindseyellison.com. Lindsey, it's awesome to have you on the show.

Lindsey Ellison 0:38

Hey, thanks so much. I'm so glad to be here.

Gresham Harkless 0:39

No problem. Super excited to have you on and what I want to do is just read a little bit more about Lindsey so you can hear about all the awesome things that she's doing. Lindsey is an author, speaker, relationship coach, and founder of Start Over Coaching Inc., a coaching practice dedicated to helping people navigate their divorce or breakups. She has a best-selling book titled Magic Words, how to get what you want from a Narcissist, and a popular podcast called “Unbreakable You”, break up without being broken? Lindsey, Are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

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Lindsey Ellison 1:05

I am, let's go.

Gresham Harkless 1:06

Let's make it happen. So I know you're doing loads of awesome things. But I wanted to hear a little bit more about your CEO story on what led you to get started with business.

Lindsey Ellison 1:13

Oh, gosh, well, I started coaching about eight years ago, I had always been in marketing and advertising. And it's strange because I was in this kind of corporate America career. And from there, I became a consultant and I had a completely different business going on. But I found as though just doing that work, I was kind of getting bored with it. And it didn't feel like it was my passion. And I had gone through a divorce 10 years ago.

And I went through a divorce and I dealt with the pain of navigating that divorce from thinking about it to how to do it, how to hire a lawyer, and all those kind of bits and pieces. And then once I was separated and living a new life, we'd been together for 17 years. So here I was 35 years old, starting completely over, it was incredibly scary and overwhelming. And I remember looking online for real stories of how people did it.

And back then I think it's changed quite a bit. But back then there really weren't any books, or blogs that talked about it, none that I could find at the time. So I just really felt this kind of calling that I needed to share with others how I did it. And I think a lot of that came from friends, giving me their friends and saying, Hey, I've got a friend going through a divorce, would you mind talking to him or her and then I would, and then I realized I had something to say.

And so from there, I hadn't even thought about coaching at this point. I just wanted to have content out into the world. And write and I wanted to write a book not knowing how to write a book, The advice that I kept getting was you, Lindsey, you need a platform, like what the hell is that? So the platform is a website and all the different places that you offer free content, whether it's through social media, whether it's through a podcast, and that's really how I got started, I just said, Okay, I'm going to just put some content out there.

And I started a website, and I wrote about maybe seven to 10 blogs that were important for me to share. And it's almost as though I didn't even care so much. If I had one reader, I was happy. And so from there, I just started to evolve, and my articles started to grow. And then I think the turning point for me was I haven't come from a marketing and PR background. And I have a degree in journalism, I know how to pitch my stories. And that is really how I got started.

So I found all these different outlets like MindBodyGreen, Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, and Your Tango. And I started to pitch and then ultimately, for a couple of those platforms like Huffington Post, I became a contributing writer. And I did not get paid for any of that, that was just off-free PR. One of the articles that I had written hit home and just I think struck a chord with the virtual world. And that went viral. And so that was kind of like my big break.

And once I did that, I realized, Okay, I've got something here and I got so many literally 1000s of emails from people saying it as it was if you were writing about me, and then really that's, I'm like, Okay, well, I can now start to monetize this and offer coaching and all kinds of things via my website.

Gresham Harkless 4:25

Nice. Well, sorry, you know, everything started in that way. But I think it's you know, first of all, it's just to me the definition of a true entrepreneur to see something and then actually think about creating it.

But I also think it kind of shows the beauty of this time and age where we are able to create our platforms, whether it be like you're doing podcasts, books, website, just creating so much content, because a lot of times, we're communicating ourselves or communicating things we're going through, communicate things that we're trying, and then there's that opportunity to kind of have that tribe come around you just because we're not the only ones and I think a lot of times when we go through, sometimes difficult experiences we feel like we're by ourselves.

But by using these platforms being able to communicate, you start to kind of create a lot of people and give people the power to be able to heal themselves but also to express themselves.

Lindsey Ellison 5:10

Yeah. And I think what people gravitate towards is behind-the-scenes information. And that's what you're doing, right? You're talking with CEOs and business owners, about behind-the-scenes, right? We all look at people and say, Oh, well, you're super successful. But we all kind of really, what we want to know is, how did you do it? And that's really where I felt as though was a unique differentiator, on being authentic and getting real and saying,

This is how I did it. And these were the behind-the-scenes. And by the way, it was hard as hell. But I made it through the other side. And if it wasn't for my divorce cut, I made a business off of it. Right. So I and I'm happily remarried. And my life has just done a 180. I love to inspire people and give them hope that while they're going through this difficult time, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Gresham Harkless 5:56

Absolutely. And that's why I love the name of your podcast and everything that you're doing, you know, Break up without being broken. Because I think sometimes those experiences could break us. So I know you touched on a little bit, but I want to hear a little bit more about your coaching practice and take us through like exactly like how you're working with the clients that you that you have.

Lindsey Ellison 6:11

Yeah, so my coaching has evolved quite a bit. And I think if anyone is in that service business, it's always that kind of what is the secret sauce in terms of your pricing model? And for anyone who's in that, again, the service business? How do you package something of value? And for me, I do not take on any clients without them committing to a certain number of sessions with me, I do not do one-offs. Because if you go away and you're not committed, then you've just wasted your money.

It's not about wasting my time so much I want to make sure that everything that I do and how I coach is a value to someone so that each session is building on top of each other. And I think the difference between everyone, people always ask me what's the difference between coaching and therapy. Well, I am not a therapist, I don't have a psychology degree. I am more of a consultant really, and listening to what's going on with you.

Again, my specialty a lot of people come to me about dealing with narcissism or dealing with a narcissistic partner, breaking up with a narcissist, and dealing with codependency. So those are kind of that's like some of the main work that I do. But at the end of the day, I always say it's never about the other person, this is about you, this is about your past and healing it. Well, it's not just about talking, you don't just talk to me, I'm always going to give you some applicable tools and homework at the end of every call that builds on top of each other.

So at the end of the number of sessions that we've done together, you're going to see a dramatic shift in your life, where you're going to just basically start to see the world with a completely different lens. And once you're able to see the world with a different lens, then you're able to make different changes in your life, because you're not completely stuck in the past and your pain.

Gresham Harkless 7:55

That makes perfect sense. And that's actually what I was going to ask you, you know, just that coaching piece because correct me if I'm wrong coaches, the idea is that a lot of times you have the answers within you, but sometimes you need to have that light shone on those answers, or you sometimes need that kick in the butt just to go ahead and do the work that you need to do that you already know that you can do but need to be reminded of.

Lindsey Ellison 8:14

Right? I mean, even if you were to hire a coach, let's say to start a business, that Coach is to help you bring out the idea in you. But also to give you the confidence to hold on to it. And I think that's when anyone is going through any transition. And I always say it's kind of the you're about to give birth. But when you're in that transition, it sucks, it's painful. So it's about letting them know this pain is going to subside, lean into the pain and go through it, don't be afraid of it.

It's okay to have a meltdown at any time. But knowing and I think this is where having gone through it. And I'm I am on the other side, I'm constantly encouraging my readers and my listeners that this is all temporary. And what is going to get you to the other side is I say at the beginning of every podcast your breakup is a gift. And it's meant to teach you something.

And once you learn the lesson from the breakup, then suddenly you're very grateful for it. And you're no longer you know, resentful of this other person or hateful and in fact, you have gratitude towards them. And when you have gratitude towards anyone that puts you in an abundant mindset versus a lacking mindset.

Gresham Harkless 9:27

Absolutely, yeah. And the mindset part is so big and I always say, you know, along the same lines is that you know, things aren't happening to me to happening for me yeah, and a lot of times when you have that mentality as you kind of spoke about or that mindset, then that helps you to reframe a lot of things even though sometimes those the worst things that can sometimes happen to you, whether it be in business or breakups or life as things happen. You start to look at things in a different light and allows you to have that abundant mindset as you talked about. You might have already touched on this, but I wanted to ask you for your personal secret sauce or your secret sauce for your company and organization. What do you feel kind of sets you apart?

Lindsey Ellison 9:57

I think my secret sauce is transparency. I am never one to sit here and talk to you and say that I'm perfect. And I love to share the messiness of everything and that it's not everything falls in linear order, you're gonna go one step forward, two steps back, if you're gonna have a meltdown, you're going to completely fall off the wagon in terms of your growth and progress.

Gresham Harkless 10:25

Awesome. So I wanted to switch gears a little bit. And I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack. So this could be like an app, a book, or a habit that you have, but what's something that makes you more effective and efficient?

Lindsey Ellison 10:34

I think that one of the things that I've learned as a CEO is having come out of corporate America, and you know, you get up and go to work at, you know, eight to five, and you're working all the time, I found is that as a CEO, and starting my business, when I first started, I felt like I had to do the same thing, that I had to sit at my desk for eight hours. And if I'm not productive, then I'll just still sit here and twiddle my thumbs.

I think as I've gotten older, and a little bit more comfortable with the process and my flow, I realized that I work crazy, different hours, and sometimes at 3 pm, I'm done for the day. And I used to feel guilty about that. Now, I just am okay with coming into my desk, and then doing something else, and then coming back to my desk, and then doing something else.

I think anyone creative, struggles with ADD, and we can't sit still for a long period. So I think one of the other things that I've done to help me be productive is I time block, and I will make myself for 30 minutes, edit my podcast, or do a podcast, and then I'm done. And then I walk away, and then I go do something else. And then I come back to my computer and do something else.

Gresham Harkless 10:40

Exactly. So now I wanted to ask you for what I call a CEO hack, I'm sorry, CEO, nugget. And this is a word of wisdom or a piece of advice. Or if you can hop into a time machine, what would you tell your younger business self?

Lindsey Ellison 12:03

Okay, so I'm going to start talking, I'll talk about hiring people and finding the right resources. And that was something that my younger self did not do well, in the beginning.

Gresham Harkless 12:15

Absolutely, yeah. Now, I wanted to ask you my absolute favorite question, which is the definition of what it means to be a CEO. And we're hoping to have different, quote-unquote, CEOs on the show. And I know you've touched on this a little bit. But Lindsey, what does being a CEO mean to you?

Lindsey Ellison 12:25

Freedom? Does everyone answer that? And that? How do I how else do people answer that? I mean, to me, it's freedom. I have been blessed with a business that has offered me, you know, the financial means, to live and not have to work for anybody else. But as a woman, I have two children, and I have two teenagers. And for anyone who thinks that your teenagers don't need you after school, wow, I learned that they do much more than money when they were little.

So I love how at three o'clock, I can, you know, work my schedule around and go pick them up, or take them to sports or attend sporting events. There are so many things about being a mom, that are important to me, and it doesn't last forever. So I think the freedom, of the ability to kind of be that CEO and to do things with my family and to make dinner and to have time to go grocery shopping. I always say to people actually, I don't think I even work that hard. I mean, I bust my ass on certain things.

And I have done a lot of things to build this business. But now that it's up and running, I don't work insane hours anymore. I just don't. And so I think of anyone who can and I was gonna say also, back to your question on the CEO, nugget, part of it is, it's okay to hire people and then have them work for you. And then have kind of a self-running engine self-funding machine, where you're constantly making money through passive income. So that's also been helpful as well.

Gresham Harkless 14:06

Yeah, absolutely. And I always say, a lot of times, you're kind of like an artist, and being able to kind of paint that picture or have that freedom or create that freedom is definitely, a big part of being a CEO. So you get to kind of make sure that you get to cherish those times with your family. And then people that are in your life as well, too. So I appreciate that definition.

And I appreciate your time, even more Lindsey. And what I want to do is pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional, you can let our readers and listeners know. And then of course, how best they can get ahold of you and find out about all the awesome things that you're working on.

Lindsey Ellison 14:33

Yeah, sure. So my website is lindseyellison.com. And I'm also really active on Instagram. That's kind of my social media. So if you're looking for relationship advice or inspiration, that's the place to go. But if you have any questions, I also help people get into the coaching business and get started learning, teaching a lot of people about how to do that. I'm all for anyone who wants to get into this field to reach out to me and ask any questions and, I think the last tidbit of advice is don't, you've got one shot in life to be the best person that you can be.

And if you have an idea, or you're already working on the idea, and let's just say it's not working out for you, you're struggling with it. Keep going, and you're going to find the resources or ask questions. And I, I think that's one of the things too is when you get started, you just it's kind of hard to ask for help. So finding a coach, finding a mentor that can help you is unbelievably awesome. And I think I've had various coaches on I have a speaking coach right now where I'm narrowing in my content.

And what is it that I'm saying, I've been speaking for years, but I thought I wanted to up my game and it's time to hire a speaking coach. So I'm all about, I'm a big coaching guru, right? But I also it's okay to be coached. And I think every guru needs a guru. So just something to think about when you are all, if you ever have self-doubt, or you're hitting a roadblock, find other ways to get help and resources and a support network.

Gresham Harkless 16:03

Absolutely, yeah, we can always have those opportunities to sharpen the saw, so to speak. And I appreciate you for reminding us of that coaching and all the of course awesome things that you've been doing. So we will make sure to have the link for your website your book and your podcasts in the show notes as well. So that if anybody wants to follow up and of course, Instagram as well. But thank you so much again and I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.

Outro 16:23

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO podcast powered by Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co I AM CEO is not just a phrase, it's a community. Be sure to follow us on social media and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, Google Play and everywhere you listen to podcasts, SUBSCRIBE, And leave us a five-star rating. Grab CEO gear at www.ceogear.co. This has been the IAMCEO podcast with Gresham Harkless Thank you for listening.

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