IAM1545 – Coach Helps People Change their Relationship with Alcohol

Laura is starting a new business, coaching caregivers who have developed unhealthy coping habits due to stress. She spent 2 years migrating cross country every 6 weeks to care for her 90 + year-old parents before COVID. In addition, Laura's experiences in a 4-decade marriage, raising 3 amazing kids, and running a successful Mary Kay business for 35 years have prepared her well to help others shift their mindset and habits. Laura's journey led to her motivation and passion for helping others create better lives. The technique she uses is especially effective in helping people change their relationship with alcohol, making it irrelevant in their lives.

• CEO Story: Laura used to struggle with unhealthy habits, trying to figure them out through professional and self-observations. She found out the right way that worked really well for her as she coped up and fought to win the battle. With that, she learned her lesson big time and is helping others create better lives by listening to their struggles with bad habits in their lives.
• Business Service: Coaching. Reprogramming and digging into those beliefs of each client.
• Secret Sauce: Giving positive influence to other people. Very relationship-oriented. Plugin to the community. Helping people find that self-compassion and self-love.
• CEO Hack: Building a habit, looking at it from a percentage point of view.
• CEO Nugget: You can do more than you thought you could. Doing things wrong is the paving way to learning how to do them right.
• CEO Defined: Being able to have that life in the business. Your business should support your life. Be present with the people around you.

Website: compassionwithlaura.coachesconsole.com

Facebook: CompassionWithLaura

LinkedIn: compassionwithlaura

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Transcription

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00:23 – Intro

Do you want to learn effective ways to build relationships, generate sales, and grow your business from successful entrepreneurs, startups, and CEOs without listening to a long, long, long interview? If so, you've come to the right place. Gresham Harkless values your time and is ready to share with you precisely the information you're in search of. This is the I AM CEO Podcast.

00:50 – Gresham Harkless

Hello. Hello. Hello. This is Gresh from the I AM CEO podcast. I have a very special guest on our show today. I have Laura Deeder of Compassion with Laura. Laura, it's Great to have you on the show.

01:01 – Laura Deter

Thanks. It's great to be here, Gresham. It's good to see you again.

01:04 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah. Yes, it's always good to catch up with people for so long. And I love everything that you're doing, Laura. And so of course, before we jump into that, I want to read a little bit more about Laura so you can hear about some of those awesome things. And Laura loves coaching caregivers and others who over-drink due to stress. She spent 2 years migrating cross country every 6 weeks to care for her 90-plus-year-old parents before COVID.

In addition, Laura's experiences in a 4-decade of marriage, raising 3 amazing kids, and running a successful Mary Kay business for 35 years have prepared others to shift their minds journey led to her motive to help others create bet methods involving education and shifting the beliefs her clients stuck. Laura, for all the awesome things you even more for taking us. Are you ready to speak to the I AM CEO community?

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02:00 – Laura Deter

Yeah, I'm ready. Bring it on. It's been listening to you read that it's like, man, I'm getting tired, you know. But there are a lot of years packed into that. And, the kids are launched, my mom is 95 and doing great. We lost Dad a couple of years ago. So, but it was before the pandemic. So it was, it was easier to deal with, I think.

02:27 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that, and of course, sorry to hear about your father. And I think that that's, whenever you hear these summaries and the bios that we have, it's always kind of enlightening to look at all the time and all the things that we accomplish and do. And sometimes when we're just going kind of day to day, you never know how that's packed into that bio.

02:50 – Laura Deter

Yeah. And some of those days with dad in his last year, and he was 92, but some of those days as a caregiver were, I don't know if you guys remember the game whack-a-mole, you know, where one thing pops up and you hit it, and it's like, and I had like about 6 weeks like that when one of the times I was with my parents. And it's crazy. And I was turning to alcohol to cope and I had actually developed that habit before that because kind of, you know, there was some stress in my business and some stress with teenagers and you know, everything else, they're great kids, but there's still, there's a lot involved and juggling all that and everything else.

We are kind of taught in our society to turn to alcohol for stress. And I went down that road and I'm not proud of it, but it brought me where I am today. So there's the blessing in that. And I learned a heck of a lot along the way. But in the middle of that, you get to the point where you don't see how you're going to get out. And I tried the rehab thing and I tried the AA thing. And I don't like being told I'm powerless. And I remember them making the comment at one point in that journey that smart people don't do well in AA.

And I always thought of myself as kind of smart, you know, I mean, I don't sound mean to sound like I have a big hat or whatever. But, you know, that kind of struck me as like, interesting, you know, and I think it's because smart people question stuff. And we don't just accept that this is the dogma and this is the way it is, and this is the only way to deal with alcohol dependence. And I'm sorry, life is not that black and white. It's not just one or the other. It's just not. And there are other alternatives. So I did the AA stem for a while, and then that didn't work. And it's interesting because when you start drinking again after you've been with AA, you're a failure, quote unquote. So you just go for broke and drink more. And at least that's what I did.

And from talking to other people, I think that's a pretty common experience. So you just really fall off that deep end big time and then kind of have to work back into, I tried to moderate, which I know people who do moderate. And if, you know, I'm working with people who are, want that as their end goal, that's great. Because whatever you want to do with your journey with alcohol it's your choice. So what I've learned has really been life-changing And I've had some people who don't see me very often go, wow, you're a different person. It's been remarkable. My relationships are better again.

My energy levels are better again, despite some physical challenges. I'm getting through those much more easily than I would have if I was still using alcohol as a payment waiver. Because yeah, it works for that too. But the headaches the next morning aren't worth it. And I think I woke up with a headache every day for probably 5 years. And you don't know that it could be any different because that's just the way it is.

06:23 – Gresham Harkless

Right.

06:24 – Laura Deter

So did. So that's kind of how I ended up where I am. And I'm still doing my Mary Kay business and trying to figure out how to do both. And, cause neither one needs to be full-time hours. It's been a little bit of a challenge to allocate the right amount of energy to each one and kind of allocate the time. And I think that'll smooth itself out as I get a little farther along in the coaching business.

06:49 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, that makes so much sense. I appreciate you so much and sharing your story and obviously, the work that you do. I love that you talked about remarkable and I definitely would say nothing less than remarkable for you to kind of be at this part of your journey and the things that you've been able to do. And so are these some of the things that you kind of do to kind of help support the clients that you work with to go through and kind of sounds like for one, you know, that compassion is huge. I love the name to be there for the person to listen and not judge and not to have that situation, but also to be able to maybe arm them with these things that they could do to kind of help them to redirect and get to where they want to be.

07:25 – Laura Deter

Exactly. That's definitely part of the process. The hardest part that I needed to coach for was to dig into those beliefs and start shifting them because there's a lot of those are subconscious. You're not even really aware, but it's like, okay, so I'm still drinking. So what's that about? What's underneath it? One cool thing about coaching is that someone else can see for you what you can't see for yourself. I had a short session the other day with a friend who's also a coach. We just kind of coach each other to practice and help each other, you know, it's a cool thing. And I saw something for her really fast. And she's like, wow. And it's just because she was in the middle of it. So that's just something that I've noticed. That's really cool.

08:18 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, absolutely. And I think everybody kind of needs that environment where they can sometimes have that quote-unquote cheerleader, that person that sees the good, sees that opportunity, has that positivity as well too. Because I think we're so close to ourselves and we're sometimes and more times than not, we're probably more critical of ourselves that not only do we have to do the reprogramming, but we need sometimes those positive outside influences that are saying, hey, you can do that.

Hey, I didn't realize you were able to accomplish X, Y, and Z, and you were able to accomplish it. And sometimes we don't even realize it because we're all, we're all always focused on the things that we didn't do or didn't well, or the times we, you know, made that mistake or whatever that might be. So I almost wonder, is that part of your secret sauce? The thing you feel kind of sets you apart and makes you unique or your business? Is it the ability to see that?

09:09 – Laura Deter

Probably part of it. And the other thing that I think I really plug into because it's who I am personally is I'm very relationship-oriented, very good at talking, what can I say, very relatable, all that kind of stuff. So I really plug into the community and I really plug into other people that are going through the same kind of stuff, especially on the alcohol-free journey. That's been huge because sometimes we can hold compassion for someone else and say we can find it for ourselves.

And that's one of the things that I do as a coach as well is just help you find that self-compassion and that self-love again, because when you've been drinking too much, you lose that, you lose that. And it's a little bit hard to get it back sometimes, but compassion is, and not judging and learning to forgive yourself. All of that stuff is part of this journey. And sometimes you need somebody to hold your hand on that. And that's just one of the things I've observed as well.

10:13 – Gresham Harkless

I definitely observed that as well too. And, you know, one of the phrases I always try to tell myself whenever things are challenging, things are not happening to me, they're happening for me. And I think that's a mentality and something you have to work out like a muscle. And once you start to look at it that way, it becomes that becomes the new habit, not the habit of doing those things wrong.

10:31 – Laura Deter

Yeah. Well, and the other piece that's different about the work that I do too, is we don't count days unless you really want to, but we look at the percentage. Like if you're trying to go alcohol-free for a whole month and you drink one day, that's like 97%. You're rocking it. And if you went from drinking every day to only drinking half of your days, that's a 50 percent improvement. That's amazing. So you see how that just puts a different spin on it? So it's positive. And I would encourage you to do that for any habit that you're trying to change.

Look at it from a percentage point of view instead of, oh my God, I missed one day I failed, you know because that sets you up for just failing more in my mind. And maybe you're different. And then when you do drink and you didn't plan on it, what did I learn from that? Think about it as a data point and an experiment and then examine it like you were somebody else looking at it. And then you can learn how to do it differently. And I think that might be useful for a lot of other things as a CEO as well.

11:31 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, I was almost gonna ask you if that's almost a CEO hack because I've heard that so many times. You hear that, I think, around like the whole idea of habit building, like in the whole idea of progression is not doing everything perfectly every single day. It's really the progression of being able to kind of celebrate when things go well, celebrate when things don't go so well and everything is waiting all around. But it's all about building those habits and starting to realize that, hey, you know, I love that percentages piece because it helps us to not try to be perfect when we're imperfectly perfect.

It allows us to be who we are and then continue to kind of just drill home those habits and celebrate those opportunities when we have the opportunity to do that. So let me ask you this, you might have already touched on this, but what would you consider to be what I like to call a CEO nugget? So this is a little bit more word of wisdom or piece of advice is something I like to say, you might tell your younger business self if you were to hop into a time machine or potentially tell your favorite person.

12:28 – Laura Deter

Recognizing that as a CEO and a lot, I imagine a lot of these people are sole solopreneurs kind of thing. You know, you can do more than you thought you could. And doing things wrong is the paving way to learn how to do it right. So put it out there, tweak it, put it out there, tweak it, put it out there, tweak it. And all of a sudden it'll be like, what happened? This is great. I imagine the CEO journey is a lot, it's just that success is a lot like I think of alcohol and stuff like that this way, even getting hooked on it and then getting away from it.

It's like a teeter-totter kind of thing where you're building and you're building and you're building and you're building and it's really, really slow. And then all of a sudden it goes shift. It's like all of those little building blocks. So those little baby steps that you're taking, add up big time to something cumulative that's fabulous. And so focusing on the fabulous at the end can help you get those baby steps done.

13:30 – Gresham Harkless

I think that's super helpful. And I think that's definitely, you know, I won't call it a nugget, I'm gonna call it a mountain because I think it's so valuable. So would you consider that to be what I like to call my absolute favorite question, the definition of what you think being a CEO means, our goal is to have different quote-unquote CEOs on this show. So being able to have that life, that business, that whatever that you don't want to numb yourself of, do you think that's part of what

13:52 – Laura Deter

I think that's probably it, you know, and your business should support your life and be part of your life, but not be your life, you know, and sometimes, especially as a new CEO, if you're really trying to get everything together, you spend a lot of hours. So when you take the time off, really take the time off, put the phone away, put the laptop away, and be present with the people that go around and enjoy that because that's a huge part of life too.

And if you, even if you're not as relationship-oriented as I am, you still, we're designed as a tribal, you know, community. That's from prehistoric days when we built that fight or flight thing into our brains because there was a saber tooth tiger around the corner, you know, So, and that helped us stay safe as a community. So we still need that. That's my personal opinion and take it or leave it. But that's what I think.

14:53 – Gresham Harkless

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna leave it. And I definitely would echo that as I, truly appreciate you for all the awesome things you're doing. You're welcome. Of course, I appreciate your time even more. So what I wanted to do now was pass you the mic, so to speak, just to see if there's anything additional that you can let our readers and listeners know. And of course, how best people can get an overview, find out about all the awesome things that you're working on, and of course, your Medicaid business suit.

15:14 – Laura Deter

I can put the link in the chat, or I think I gave Brush the link at one point already. So we can make that available to you guys. And one of the things I like to do when I'm working with a client is just to talk to them and see where it goes, whether it's a good fit for us to work together, whatever. I want you to get some value out of our time together if you choose to gift me with your time because I know how precious that is as a CEO. So I'm about supporting people, whatever that looks like.

15:46 – Gresham Harkless

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much again, Laura. I appreciate you and, you know, supporting us and providing so much wisdom, knowledge, and information. Of course, we're going to have those links in the show notes as well, too, so that everybody can get a hold of, you know, that that's shareable, but also, you know, get in contact with you. So much comes from just having a conversation and sometimes just allowing and creating that space for those, you know, phenomenal things to happen. And of course, appreciate your time again today and I hope you have a phenomenal rest of the day.

16:12 – Laura Deter

It's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.

16:15 – Outro

Thank you for listening to the I AM CEO Podcast powered by Blue 16 Media. Tune in next time and visit us at iamceo.co I AM CEO is not just a phrase, it's a community. Be sure to follow us on social media and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes Google Play and everywhere you listen to podcasts, SUBSCRIBE, and leave us a five-star rating grab CEO gear at www.ceogear.co. This has been the I AM CEO Podcast with Gresham Harkless. Thank you for listening.

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